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yes, 3:20.9; 4:16.3; 4:05.8; 4:29.6; 4:02.9; 4:34.9: 4:14.4... 29:04.8... best time yet... finally some improvement... still mediocre at best, but doesn't suck as much when there is at least a bit of improvement... recognizing that i did not get passed the initial surge of lactic acid and breathing... there are lots of tips and advice for breathing for runners and non-runners alike... it is second nature to me from years of running but it is something i am forgetting (are you forgetting the face of your father, roland?) as well... the key is getting passed the initial lactic acid rusg and initial oxygen panic, that first out-of-breath feeling, and then maintaining a steading pace so the breathing pattern brings enough oxygen in (and gets enough carbon dioxide out) to allow a sustained pace and not a situation where breathing becomes more labored with each lap... i know what i mean better than i can explain it, the point is i was not remembering this and therefore giving in to the initial oxygen panic... dummy...

still, for sure a long long way to go and weight to drop... i am completing the first lap without stopping the last few jog/walks, which is a good sign... and while strain during the jog/walk, no shin splints and no pain during recovery, another good sign... so continue...

not daily, but

yes, and doing it for the first time without the ankle brace... the left shin splints were not nearly as bad this time... 3:37.9; 4:09.8; 4:56.5; 4:21.0; 4:27.1; 5:39.7; 4:47.9... 31:59.9 total for seven laps... mile pace: 13:58 avg mph: 4.297 avg lap: 4.329... mediocre at best, but the good news is that it is another jog/walk... i did not realize so many days went by this week... maybe that helped the shin splint issue... or maybe taking the ankle brace off did... or both... anyway, not good... i must do this more often... maybe keeping stats will help... is there an easy way to put a table in one of these blog posts?... research... dropping some weight would help for sure... continue...

yeah, eh

just completed for approximately a 5k at a slow jog/walk... the first two laps were slower, mostly walking fast with happiness and then eight jog/walk laps without him cuz he no longer can keep up more than a few hundred feet, if that far... what a drag it is getting on (thank you rolling stones for gathering no moss)... especially not in 90 degree 60% humidity sunshine... i did not push a jog for a full lap myself in this heat and my current condition (which is the eh part of the title and that is being extremely generous with my blubbery self... yeah, i am probably close to 210 (which is about 10 pounds more than my preferred max weight and 30 pounds more than my preferred fit weight and that is probably higher than the body mass index charts but then, those charts are skewed for small frames and pop culture if you ask me)...

there was tightness in the right calf, probably from compensating for the left foot/ankle... the left foot was fatigued but ok in that there was no injury related pain... the rehab continues and i really ought to do this a few times a week now, not just once a week... but hey, i did it and that is the yeah part of the title... focus on the positive... since i only timed the last eight laps, the time is approximate at a 45 minute 5k... given the heat and body condition (not to mention carefully wrapped ankle/foot), eh...

slight delay

yeah, so last weekend was a slight fiasco when it came to the rehab process as my morale was flushed down the toilet and blah blah blah so i skipped this week and distracted myself with intellectual fun and food and yeah, probably put on a pound or few (though i must say i have been amazingly disciplined during these past almost four months (yes, 4 months) of inactivity as i have not gained a net pound from the day of injury through today even with some gain this week, which, is you've read me and know how much i love food {and how much food is a comfort and how much i've needed comfort during this first serious injury of this lifetime and new very lonely rehab process, not to mention other major life changes any good therapist would welcome my money to discuss for months, at least... psyche, aye?}, is quite seriously outstanding will power, discipline, and healthy habits... even moreso as my roommate has gained weight during this period, partly because she is exercising less because her primary exercise partner {that would be me} is, alas, off his feet a lot)...

anyway, perhaps it is time to renew the rehab mentality and while avoiding the critical strangers who have less sensitivity than i would like (it is sad that i must accept a lack of a supportive caring world once again, but then, that is the world i was born into and accepted it very young, so the fact that naivety and hopefulness survives in me as it does is, again, pretty amazing... so i'm a pretty amazing dude, aye?... well just look at all this positive self-talk... jackson would be so proud), stepping out to social physical activity (softball fields) again next weekend... enough grumbling about set backs, not quite full speed ahead, but forward... next weekend (oh go ahead, i'm laughing at myself :)

foot report: walking better, faster, jogging a bit with discomfort but no sharp pains... ankle report, similar... still very wobbling and not pivoting well, not putting full body weight on it yet... leg report: muscles occasionally cramping, weak but improving... body report: blah blah blah blah... eat better, exercise more, sex would be nice...

healing a plantar fascia rupture

the plantar fascia rupture is going to be the biggest challenge and obstacle between me and getting back on the road running and playing softball and racketball and tennis and basketball and any other activity generally requiring two healthy feet... resting the foot after walking on it around the apartment, just to the kitchen and back a few times cooking and to the bathroom to shower and turning around in the shower a few times and walking happiness out to the lawn, maybe a hundred or so steps of varying pressure (only a few dozen full weight in and out the shower)... and now feeling the plantar fascia swelling and throbbing is diminishing after two hours of sitting here elevated... so the pattern appears to be it becomes inflamed and swells after walking, less so with the boot on (about half the time) so it must have more to do with the flexing of the ligament than with the lack of elevation and what i need to know is whether flexing the plantar fascia is a positive step or a negative step in the healing process... consult the doctor this week...

and how are your feet today? :)

5K times

the 5K may become the measure i use for improvement now... years ago it was mile times, one mile, two miles, three miles, all the way up to 15 miles and then a marathon... the fact that the 5K is a popular timed public run these days allows me to get out with other runners and get timed and the fact that 10 times around my apartment community is just over 5K makes 5K the easiest distance to time and measure...

it would help if i didn't accidentally reset the stopwatch as i cross the halfway mark... i did make the first half in under 20 though, i won't claim 19 cuz i reset it, but i can fairly claim 19:30... and the second half in 21:45 makes this a 5K in under 42 minutes... i will do an under 40 minute 5K this year... in fact, i may shoot for an under 35 minute 5K if i actually get my ass in gear...

i sort of committed to under 180 pounds by 2012 too... better get to it, aye?...

letting it go again

the body, the bloat, the weight... indulging the taste buds cuz there is not time for any other pleasures as work fills the calendar every day lately and nobody is around to do anything else in the few moments away from work... a body craves sensual pleasures, after all...

kicking the bloat button hard

yeah, food filled week put tons on the carcass and the madness returned quite suddenly as the fast food junkie took over largely cuz there's no cooking in the kitchen since the move has boxes everywhere and hopefully i'll unpack and set the kitchen up for eating this weekend so the fast food junkie doesn't kill me...

and how are you?...

hiccups

last week i suddenly without planning changed dietary paths back to serious veggie light cutting out soda caffeine sugar fat and all the processed stuff i was eating so much of (and i haven't had italian or anything outside either) and i dropped more than ten pounds to see 199 on the scale one the bottom-out morning... the body is about 203 at the moment as i pigged out on late night veggies with sauces the past two nights, but still on the way down and hopefully will see the 170s by the end of the year again... at least the low 180s... still having too much fun to take the lean mean fighting machine seriously though (but the teenage dream is not gone either, cha know :)

a bottom line

yeah, well, the bottome line (or at least one of them) is that i am not attractive to myself today, so anyone finding me attractive does not share my perspective of what is attractive and therefore, is not compatible... it is really so simple when clarity illuminates the brain, there's no point and only foolishness that supports confusion in any attempt to explain further...

so this is why nobody plays with me today (can you hear my body talk)... masterbation is more fun than sex with an unattractive body... my loss, but also my fun... compromise, my way... or something like that...

dare i not?

or dare i do?... climbing on the scale again is not happening lately, but i suspect i've rises well above 200 again... so let's see... yup. though not as bad as i almost thought, still at 202 all this time after the holidays... indulging in food cuz it tastes so good, cuz masturbation is simply not enough stimulation for the body cuz the taste buds are so sensual too and i am so very oral (come to think of it, i do miss kissing)...

anyway, drop 30 pounds by when? :}

soup is too salty

though low calorie, soup is way too salty to be a steady diet and the weight of fatigue and blood pressure (sensing it, not measuring it) is draining the body these days... as lack of full REM cycles is catching up with the aging brain and lack of sleep is catching up with the body and over-eating (even when dinner is soup and yogurt, back to one huge meal a day in the evening is not right) is weighing both down and raising the blood pressure to unhealthy levels (that's a sense-judgment as i don't make time to check the actual blood pressure these days for the same reason the place i live in is a wreck, no time... and that is both physically and psychologically uncomfortable so change the dang habits, fool)...

thank you for the good advice...

bloating up again

stupid is as stupid does and i am doesing stupid good these days, but though it very well may be a possible sign of suicidal tendencies and is most likely a cry for help, the end may not be about to be just yet, we hope... the weight cap is hopefully going to top out at 190 (instead of 220, which was the max cap for a while in this decade and in the eighties too, ironically, both decades i held professional office jobs and reduced sleep to ridiculously minimal levels and neglect myself in almost every way, a recipe for disaster, the death kind, so wake up and save yourself, myself, right?)...

ok, hopefully this is the wake up call... loneliness and feeling unloved and missing being cared about and all that poor-me stuff is placated by food... but if i do not really want to die, things will change again...