they call it pigaroni

well, somebody might... so i was exhausted a few hours ago after a long week of work and driving (two days out of town five hours there and five hours back and long full day meeting in between) and two days of packing and lifting and moving boxes of paper (office moving) and another ordinary long work day way back at the start of the week and naturally, not enough sleep in between so i leave work exhausted (did i mention i was exhausted?) and head to play softball (cuz i was surprised by a call yesterday and said yes cuz i love softball but didn't think about the fatigue, nor about the tournament i will play tomorrow and sunday) and after the game i am hungry and here's where the title comes in... taco bell pig-out... T6 and T4 and Beefy Crunchy box and 5-layer and mountain dew (just a medium and didn't even finish it and there are leftovers for tomorrow, three tacos, yeah) and now i am wired, totally wired, fool, should be sleeping and i am totally wired... should sleep, foolish and unhealthy not to according to conventional medical wisdom, but wired... totally wired... did i mention wired?...

eat crap and feel great, it makes no conventional medical sense, but hey, it is what it is... and so, somebody come on and convince me otherwise cuz i really would like to live a few more years, ya know?...

laughter is healthy lol :)

run twoo

as in second also... or maybe third, but anyway, another run tracked since living alone... this time was more moderately paced and finished five laps in 20:35.9... very long day and very hot night in the mid-eighties and way humid even for florida... sweat sweat sweat... eating to bloat yummy but to bloat... heading for four softball leagues a week in a few weeks, so increase the exercise... gotta run more... but carefully, the body is at that sudden death age with inconsistent exercise... drop weight, increase stamina and strength, then consider another stress test and whatever else the doctor orders... take care of yourself, right... i care, how about you?... alphas?...

bumping it up

free lunch at work, so i eat barbecued meat... dinner invite from roommate, so i eat sushi for dinner... then cupcakes... and finishing the night with chips and chocolate milk... belly grows... social eating... exercise (three softball games last night, but then the team went to celebrate winning the championship so fried shrimp and mountain dew... more ountain dew today), but not vigorous enough and so, bloat... age too... and who cares besides me (and do i care enough?)...

well, balancing the hedonism and health-nut life is not always perfect, but hey, we can always try again tomorrow as long as i wake up again, right? :)

feel free to jump in anytime :)

major pigging out

jackson left for five days and i went nuts... is it the loneliness?... the pity party?... the self-indulgeance?... something else?... whatever, pasta and cheese and chocolate, oh my... probably gain ten pounds in these five days of madness... someday i'll die... wonder if i'll drop the weight and get optimal health back first... wish you were here :)

yeah, right

so after dropping a bit of revealing connection type information here for the offering for those who care enough to explore beyond the body thoughts, i chose to push through the abdominal distress and play softball (running hard, hitting well, pitching even better, yay) and then fast food frenzy the body tonight, including the mountain dew... so far, the body is not screaming in rebellion (if we do not count the ear ringing that warns of the blood pressure which is definitely high after the fast food and sugar-caffiene rush), but the wisdom behind the impulse knows better...

still, it turns me on (the physical pleasures of life, that is)... i so relate to the messenger character in city of angels even if the body thinks that just might be suicidal thinking... loving the hedonistic life for as long as it lasts...

and how are you? :)

duh duh doh doh doh

and the neck is a bit better most days, but the bloat remains and foolishness or hedonism, life slowly rolls playfully toward it's end in this body as the blood pressure remains high and the ssugar levels near high and other stuff too... and no exercise other than the softball several times a week and the occasional 5k and other stuff, which is more than some and i weightr less than most and still, the body is warned by the doctors and i have no time to focus on will power or wanting to live longer than today to do any different...

and how are you? :}

survival

yes, the body survived the worst of the recent attack (and i know i allowed it as a way to give myself more me time) and as the body heals i wonder if i woke up enough to realize the hedonistic buddha is a pleasure for the mouth and some parts of the brain and body (cuz the chemicals in sugars and fats and caffeine are trippy), but it leaves other parts of the body over-stressed and semi-numb (like the heart, kidneys, liver, skin, muscles, and sex organs, for that matter... what?... you didn't know fats and sugars and caffeiene are leading causes of impotence?... luckily i am so freaking over-sexed it just brings me down to almost normal... who's kidding? lol lam)...

so is it time to turn the cycle around again?...

there's always hope :)

kicking the bloat button hard

yeah, food filled week put tons on the carcass and the madness returned quite suddenly as the fast food junkie took over largely cuz there's no cooking in the kitchen since the move has boxes everywhere and hopefully i'll unpack and set the kitchen up for eating this weekend so the fast food junkie doesn't kill me...

and how are you?...

circular motion

yeah, up and down, back to 192, back to 199.8, and round and round and round again... that was may... focus just was not there... maybe it was the disappointment in the people (softball teams, work colleagues, old friends, the human race, all the little things)... maybe it was the unresolved (uninvited?)... maybe it was (was?... isn't it still is-ing?... like now?) just boredom fueling the ambivalence that replaced the joyous optimism and hope and belief in love and life and pleasure and caring and sharing and peace and love (did i meantion love?) and happiness and romance and passion and idealism and beauty and promises and love (mustn't forget the love) and the dreams... maybe it's just getting old...

so why am i still giggling?

face stuffing is a full time job

yeah, it is, you know it if you've ever done it... and delicious can be found everywhere, so unless i go nowhere and say no to everything, i continue to bloat enough to not drop under 200 pounds... but i've got a couple of weeks before the imaginary deadline and sort-of promise i made myself by telling someone else i agree to do it... and besides, the body feels much better not bloated, so why in the world would i continue trading a few minutes of oral ecstasy for twenty four hours of bloat each day... rhetorical, of course... get real...

hedonism is fun

the pattern continues, i mean, the pattern of careless fun with some measure of disregard for the body just continues and i am enjoying the heck out of it on so many levels... busy with work so much that i skip lunch just to get the work done and get out at a reasonable hour... busy with fun and games after work, softball, game nights, dinners and movies and such, so there is no time to even think about anything deeper than the fun of the moment, no less feel anything other than the fun of the moment, and assorted sundries... so the bloat remains, rising and falling with whim and weather... and the body ages faster than it has to, even though it is still at a rate slower than the average human norm... and does anybody care?... maybe, but not close enough to have any real influence... let's face it, hedonism is fun...

sigh :}