they call it pigaroni

well, somebody might... so i was exhausted a few hours ago after a long week of work and driving (two days out of town five hours there and five hours back and long full day meeting in between) and two days of packing and lifting and moving boxes of paper (office moving) and another ordinary long work day way back at the start of the week and naturally, not enough sleep in between so i leave work exhausted (did i mention i was exhausted?) and head to play softball (cuz i was surprised by a call yesterday and said yes cuz i love softball but didn't think about the fatigue, nor about the tournament i will play tomorrow and sunday) and after the game i am hungry and here's where the title comes in... taco bell pig-out... T6 and T4 and Beefy Crunchy box and 5-layer and mountain dew (just a medium and didn't even finish it and there are leftovers for tomorrow, three tacos, yeah) and now i am wired, totally wired, fool, should be sleeping and i am totally wired... should sleep, foolish and unhealthy not to according to conventional medical wisdom, but wired... totally wired... did i mention wired?...

eat crap and feel great, it makes no conventional medical sense, but hey, it is what it is... and so, somebody come on and convince me otherwise cuz i really would like to live a few more years, ya know?...

laughter is healthy lol :)

issues with tissues

human tissues, in fact, most specifically anal fissure tissue tears, ouch... the body ages differently for everyone i suppose and my butt is aging faster than any other body part (ya reckon?)... sure, you are so happy you stopped in to read this latest body thought, aren't you?... cuz prep h is such a wonderfully fun (not to mention cozy and comfertable) subject (or ointment) to share... doesn't really matter what i eat, these bouts of tears come and go as does the hard and soft stools... it's more dependent on exercise and temperature i think... the first really colder weather brings it on, as does a lazy month... eating tough meats like over-cooked beef or pork (or even bird) does not help... milk sometimes goes one way and sometimes the opposite... ah yes, a magical mystery tour through my digestive track would be an odd and curious ride... anybody have a spare yellow submarine?...

otherwise, it's been a lazy month without softball and with pigging out parties and no motivation to exercise and chillier temps (supposed to drop below freezing tonight... i know, my friend up north mourn my climate plight, nyuk nyuk :)

here's to more life this year, aye? :)

reports of constipation have been greatly exaggerated

while the irreverence of this found it's way into another blog hole, the fact is these are body thoughts and that is what this blog was created for and it surely isn't used as consistently and positively as it should, so here's another entry... as the title suggests, the body does stuff every day that we don't much talk (no less write about, but still it happens and if we are lucky (and taking good care of the body overall), it happens regularly and well (and i don't just mean sex or masturbation)... in a nutshell (though it musta been a huge nut), i roughly estimate that i deposited twenty pounds of waste into the porcelain receptacle over this weekend (and it ain’t over yet)… if that is way too much tmi, you may be in the wrong place as that’s just one of the exciting features of this blog and what we are here for, after all… so i pondered and realized that on the one hand it is a blessing that this body can still process so much food from healthy to junk in such a short period of time (yay for the holiday season, no doubt) and on the other hand, it is a curse that this body does not get sick enough to make me stop such ridiculously suicidal (but ever so fun) pig-out binges of culinary and oral self-indulgence (check out white wolf café next time you are in town… yes, a restaurant review right here in botts, can i get any more . . . oh, fill in your own description term this time, will ya?)….

feeling good, though larger than life in too many ways... what was that declaration i made to jackson?... to be 190 and running daily and doing weight work by the time she gets back down here next month?... luckily, she didn't respond so i am not help to it, right?...

nyuk nyuk, narf :)

no barf :)

last seen heading in a circular direction

out for another run, 6 laps 2358 and 7 in 28:23, tougher than the past two runs cuz of fatigue, meat fatigue as i call it, and the heat of the day too and a bit of grogginess and not having the mind just right so the stamina wasn't quite there so the first lap was a push to keep it under 4 minutes as was every other lap, but heck, still did the 6 laps in under 4 minutes a lap so sigh (i mean yay)...

still eating the meatloaf so the wight is not changing, maybe even going up... the legsa are thin as ever, but the torso continues to be blooated... next week, maybe the diet will balance better... and sleep and other stuff and gee by golly wiz, i'm awful tired now... and just lonely enough to still be awake writing, aye?...

ought to get some sleep, huh? (narf :)

survival

yes, the body survived the worst of the recent attack (and i know i allowed it as a way to give myself more me time) and as the body heals i wonder if i woke up enough to realize the hedonistic buddha is a pleasure for the mouth and some parts of the brain and body (cuz the chemicals in sugars and fats and caffeine are trippy), but it leaves other parts of the body over-stressed and semi-numb (like the heart, kidneys, liver, skin, muscles, and sex organs, for that matter... what?... you didn't know fats and sugars and caffeiene are leading causes of impotence?... luckily i am so freaking over-sexed it just brings me down to almost normal... who's kidding? lol lam)...

so is it time to turn the cycle around again?...

there's always hope :)

bloating up again

stupid is as stupid does and i am doesing stupid good these days, but though it very well may be a possible sign of suicidal tendencies and is most likely a cry for help, the end may not be about to be just yet, we hope... the weight cap is hopefully going to top out at 190 (instead of 220, which was the max cap for a while in this decade and in the eighties too, ironically, both decades i held professional office jobs and reduced sleep to ridiculously minimal levels and neglect myself in almost every way, a recipe for disaster, the death kind, so wake up and save yourself, myself, right?)...

ok, hopefully this is the wake up call... loneliness and feeling unloved and missing being cared about and all that poor-me stuff is placated by food... but if i do not really want to die, things will change again...

video game diet update

i stopped to play a video game that helped me focus on dropping the weight i piled on during a few years of imbalanced diet and when i returned to daily blogging more than ever, i find the past month has unfocused the balance i had achieved in the diet and have regained at least ten of the almost forty pounds i lost during the two or so months of what i semi-jokingly called the video game diet...

face stuffing is a full time job

yeah, it is, you know it if you've ever done it... and delicious can be found everywhere, so unless i go nowhere and say no to everything, i continue to bloat enough to not drop under 200 pounds... but i've got a couple of weeks before the imaginary deadline and sort-of promise i made myself by telling someone else i agree to do it... and besides, the body feels much better not bloated, so why in the world would i continue trading a few minutes of oral ecstasy for twenty four hours of bloat each day... rhetorical, of course... get real...

food

the body needs balance most of all... the body needs food to live and yet, the body craves all sorts of physical/sensual stimulation and when food becomes the dominant one, or worse, the only one, health suffers and everything else follows and no amount of exercise can change it... don't let that happen...

(anymore)...

bbbbloat

two days of eating a bit more sensibly (would have been four, or even five, but influences arrived to change the path) and yet, still feeling bloated... it is amazing what you do to me (says the body)... so uncomfortable... so undermining... so dumb...

yes, thank you body, i can use all the positive pep talks i can get, not that i listen, even to you... but hey, you've got your space to complain, suggest, vent, even fantasize about girls on treadmills... how come nobody uses the pool around here?...

one day at a time...

ridiculoso

this is the body... this is the body thinking... this is the body thinking aloud... i am happy the blood pressure medicine stopped, i did not like it. it made my kidneys and liver feel bad. i would rather have high blood pressure than hurting kidneys and liver. i should lose weight though, because the blood pressure goes down when i do. i don't want to die yet. but i eat and live like i do. burp.

no gym for a week

but I survived and returnbed to a healthier diet and stabalized the upheaval that had me wondering if I was going to survive the weekend... I survived, hold the applause.

rambling in the moment

in the news of the body, weight remains stable after three days of much less restrictive eating, which is a good sign... and now I start the strict eating for a few days to drop another few pounds and hopefully the process will continue to work... this is the first week I have had no word (or anything else) from the kidneys, which is better than previous weeks and hopefully a sign that they are f8inally close to cleaned out and adjusting to the new energy and food processing levels... I'll give the doctor a call in a few days cuz she should have the results of the lab tests she ordered by then and we shall see how the sugar and carb restrictions effected the lab levels... if they're substantially improved, maybe I'll treat myself to my own ultra-decadent kind of mac 'n cheese... ice cream, chocolate, and any other sweets shall wait another couple of months until the weight is in what I know is my healthy range...

I feel the drag as I consider taking a night off from the gym cuz the muscles could benefit from rest, and then I feel the please stop and let me rest tonight please from the muscles for the first five or ten minutes at the gym, but then I feel the better feeling after I turn it up and spend 70+ minutes on the Lifecycle... kind of like how it was when I used to run, but the voices to stop are louder cuz they've had power for so long and the muscles aren't exactly as young as they used to be...

so I am continuing to roll through the daily cycle of pushing the body and rebuilding muscles and starting to feel the recycle, a longer wavelength or time period of changes that bring me back to being centered, being me... it's been a long time since I actually lived there, but the memory is becoming clearer with each step... day after day, alone on the hill...

oh previous post, how appropriate named

yes, for just days after the euphoria of the maxed out workout, I threw the body a curve the next day with a radical shift in diet, namely pizza and then soy, and the soy may have been old and spoiled... so found myself tied up in knots by built-in body flaws, namely, the kidneys... regulating temperature and filtering out waste and not handling excessive protein well (talk about people in glass houses not throwing stones, my kidneys are glass houses that do)... a little sediment... a little blood... a UTI hurts and takes time to run it's course... this is day three... and yet, I still am getting to the gym every night... just cuz I'm crazy like that... long may I be crazy...

pendulum swings

Last night, after 2 hours on the Lifecycle at over 6mph (details in the log), I felt almost elevated to another plane. Today, after pigging out on more than 2000 calories of meat and cheese (and a bit of bread in the form of pizza), I feel the weight of the wet blanket of bloat again. To recover, another insane workout is required tonight, which may be foolish for the heart and body. So do I accept a slide backwards immediately after a great leap forward because that is safe and wise... or do I risk death or injury because I over-indulged my taste buds today. No question mark, it's a statement to myself. A kick in the head. And only time will tell if I survive this latest extreme pendulum swing.

aging

I suppose it happens to all bodies, but it seems to happen to other people a lot faster than me... maybe because I was running marathons for a while, but I think it is more a perspective, an attitude, and in many ways, a choice... on the other hand, I've lived a live-fast, die young kind of life and while I am rather inactive these days, for about seven years I partied hard putting poisons in this body in mass quantities... it could be that, even though I stopped the poisons and have maintained the energy level of a child well into adulthood, that the this body might suddenly hit a wall and crash because it can not survive the energy level I produce in my mind... so I wonder if I should low down and if so, when...

in recent years I've noticed that the recovery process after exercise slows with each passing year... it does not help that I've been inconsitently exercising, going for months without any... it does not help that I still indulge my taste buds to high caloric, high carb, high sugar, and sometimes high-fat meals (in extremely large portions) as if I was still exercising daily and had the metabolism I had in years past... metabolism is definitely slowing, but I wonder how much is due to time, and how much is due to lack of exercise...

I shall hopefully have the answers to these questions in the next weeks and months as I embark on another renewal of daily exercise (any day now) and fewer eating binges... smaller portions, several meals a day (instead of one or two), less fat and carbs (mostly it's pizza and cheesy pastas, ice cream, Code Red, and chocolate), and more active exercise... yeah, that's the ticket (though I'm not sure to where... but I'm on my way... again :)