Wednesday, March 28, 2007

forgetting this blog

Forgetting this blog exists does not help share the experience of rebirth I soon hope to experience, but then, I may be the only one caring to be reading at the moment, for a while, or ever. The hope that the words will be worth something to someone somewhere someday continues to breath beneath the self-satisfied uploading I do, but in the end, I do this for myself too. The good news is the body is feeling better, healing, and I continue to improve workouts at the gym nightly. I rarely forget wishing someone was sharing the journey, but I am happy that I am improving my ability to experience the journey through this life again. Even if I forget to come here to record the details every day.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

oh previous post, how appropriate named

yes, for just days after the euphoria of the maxed out workout, I threw the body a curve the next day with a radical shift in diet, namely pizza and then soy, and the soy may have been old and spoiled... so found myself tied up in knots by built-in body flaws, namely, the kidneys... regulating temperature and filtering out waste and not handling excessive protein well (talk about people in glass houses not throwing stones, my kidneys are glass houses that do)... a little sediment... a little blood... a UTI hurts and takes time to run it's course... this is day three... and yet, I still am getting to the gym every night... just cuz I'm crazy like that... long may I be crazy...

Saturday, March 17, 2007

pendulum swings

Last night, after 2 hours on the Lifecycle at over 6mph (details in the log), I felt almost elevated to another plane. Today, after pigging out on more than 2000 calories of meat and cheese (and a bit of bread in the form of pizza), I feel the weight of the wet blanket of bloat again. To recover, another insane workout is required tonight, which may be foolish for the heart and body. So do I accept a slide backwards immediately after a great leap forward because that is safe and wise... or do I risk death or injury because I over-indulged my taste buds today. No question mark, it's a statement to myself. A kick in the head. And only time will tell if I survive this latest extreme pendulum swing.

Friday, March 16, 2007

last night was day eleven

I have been, in a much less formatted form, keeping notes and recording stats about the gym work. I am not sure just what I inteded to do here, keep it brief, find something meaningful, keep track of the re-building of this body I inhabit... but then, nothing happened here. Words are so transient, like everything else. What may seem profound one day is utter nonsense the next. The best we can do is continue sharing what feels real. And is anyone reading, listening, hearing, caring? Or is all this just for me. Why put it out here then. Maybe just to laugh at myself as I am doing right now. The good news is eleven consecutive days of pushing aerobic exercise is happening with continued gradual improvement. Yay. Maybe I'll have more to say next time.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

stepping it up

slowly, gradually, but doing it... just when the mind gets depressed (and/or stupid) enough to think they body is old and the peak physical experiences for this life may be over and death is knocking, a few trips to the gym reminds me that old is relative and peak physical experiences are just an hour away on the lifecycle, treadmill, or track... and that's where we are tonight, yay.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

bouncing back

two consecutive nights back at the gym and I am thinking... maybe I am not quite so mostly dead (or old) as I thought... I shall sleep on that thought as the smile that inspired it widdened as I thought it... g'nite :)

Sunday, March 4, 2007


I suppose it happens to all bodies, but it seems to happen to other people a lot faster than me... maybe because I was running marathons for a while, but I think it is more a perspective, an attitude, and in many ways, a choice... on the other hand, I've lived a live-fast, die young kind of life and while I am rather inactive these days, for about seven years I partied hard putting poisons in this body in mass quantities... it could be that, even though I stopped the poisons and have maintained the energy level of a child well into adulthood, that the this body might suddenly hit a wall and crash because it can not survive the energy level I produce in my mind... so I wonder if I should low down and if so, when...

in recent years I've noticed that the recovery process after exercise slows with each passing year... it does not help that I've been inconsitently exercising, going for months without any... it does not help that I still indulge my taste buds to high caloric, high carb, high sugar, and sometimes high-fat meals (in extremely large portions) as if I was still exercising daily and had the metabolism I had in years past... metabolism is definitely slowing, but I wonder how much is due to time, and how much is due to lack of exercise...

I shall hopefully have the answers to these questions in the next weeks and months as I embark on another renewal of daily exercise (any day now) and fewer eating binges... smaller portions, several meals a day (instead of one or two), less fat and carbs (mostly it's pizza and cheesy pastas, ice cream, Code Red, and chocolate), and more active exercise... yeah, that's the ticket (though I'm not sure to where... but I'm on my way... again :)

Saturday, March 3, 2007

maintaining is the hardest part

ok, so we shall see if this new adventure in keeping in touch with this body I inhabit will continue for more than one entry... ultimately, the purpose here is to fry the fat out of my brain (and body) and leave clarity (and fitness)... of course and semantic genius can tell you that the difference between fitness and fatness is a simple typo, but be that as it may be or not to be, we begin...

four days, hardly any food... if I exercise, I may survive... we shall see...