Almost Struggling

I should have gone to bed and fallen asleep. I've been ready to sleep every day this week in the afternoon, sometimes earlier. I've been feeding the body caffeine. I am thinking in short bursts now, because the mind is tired and the body is way more tires and the sugar level is low because the challenge I am taking on is calorie reduction again after a few weeks of weight gain due to enjoying the high carb high fat foods I so dearly love. The food blog is due fr many updates, but for now, you'll just have to take my word for it.

Or not, as if anyone reads me anymore (surprise me, I'd love it, but I am so comfortable alone I might as well be comfortably numb and laughing at everything and loving every minute of it as long as I don't look outside my mind cuz the world is a sick place these days and people are the disease, but that's another struggle I am almost struggling with and if you don't see the laughter in my word play then you really don't know me, but that's ok, you don't have to, there's no law or anything).

What kind of body blog is this, anyway?

Commit to the change, now.

Phew.

Not Your Fault

I ean, I was keeping in touch and could say nobody cared so I stopped coming here (or anywhere) because, like, what's the point?... but it's not you. Leave it at that before I change my mind lol?). So I told myself I would go liquid tonight after letting the weight rise back to 190 (191 at the doctor's office fully clothed) and pigging out yet another weekend, but the two boxes of cookies and chips sitting next to me and the leftover pasta and cheese spreads in the fridge, well, maybe tomorrow. I really must go low-calorie liquid very soon.

After many weeks of no blood, no pain, no itching, etcetera, the tear is back. It took three or four actual real poops this time, alas, and I let it happen, naturally, but it's not nearly even close to as painful as it's been in the past (the menthol anesthetic effect or the healing? Maybe both). Anyway, this is what brings me back here I guess, for where else should I chastise myself about eating habits and lack of daily exercise and weight gain and all the other self-destructive suicidal physical madness I do?

It's your fault. I mean,just because nobody cares, or so it seems (and feels) in day to day life, why should that influence how much I care about my life choices? Really now, how important do you think you are?

Laughter heals. Hope it's good for you too. If not, may you find your own way.

Early morning explosion of words, almost, look around, aye?

and narf :)