it is too easy to vege

especially when the love of writing draws me to sit for hours at the laptop tapping the keys, but not only that, the SPAM volume and internet distractions can take so much time away from active activities (as i spend an hour deleting emails tonight as i type these words realizing how much pigging out i have done lately and how work gets in the way of good rest, good sleep, and good exercise even more than the writing or distractions or laziness does, alas, the world is set up to kill us before we truly get to live and long before we have to die, probably because human beings would not be able to live peacefully given too much free time, at least not at our current evolutionary state, alas, alack, cha cha cha)...

perhaps i will survive the year and change my ways before it is too late...

there is always hope :}

they call it pigaroni

well, somebody might... so i was exhausted a few hours ago after a long week of work and driving (two days out of town five hours there and five hours back and long full day meeting in between) and two days of packing and lifting and moving boxes of paper (office moving) and another ordinary long work day way back at the start of the week and naturally, not enough sleep in between so i leave work exhausted (did i mention i was exhausted?) and head to play softball (cuz i was surprised by a call yesterday and said yes cuz i love softball but didn't think about the fatigue, nor about the tournament i will play tomorrow and sunday) and after the game i am hungry and here's where the title comes in... taco bell pig-out... T6 and T4 and Beefy Crunchy box and 5-layer and mountain dew (just a medium and didn't even finish it and there are leftovers for tomorrow, three tacos, yeah) and now i am wired, totally wired, fool, should be sleeping and i am totally wired... should sleep, foolish and unhealthy not to according to conventional medical wisdom, but wired... totally wired... did i mention wired?...

eat crap and feel great, it makes no conventional medical sense, but hey, it is what it is... and so, somebody come on and convince me otherwise cuz i really would like to live a few more years, ya know?...

laughter is healthy lol :)

belly bloat

yeah, again, the belly bloat was quite noticeable as i tried to swing the bat at softball today as my arms felt like lead weights and my belly taunted my back and so i barely swung cuz i did not want to strain anything further than already strained by the belly bloat and while pitching went fine, i must reduce the belly bloat and strengthen my core and upper body if i want to actually hit with any consitency and reasonable power... so says the body, core, torso, and arms especially... we did win both games and i walked twice and would have walked a third time if i wanted to but the last time up we were up something like 19-3 so i just swung at a bad pitch with a 3-1 count and lined the ball at the second baseman who dropped it but the runner on first did not run and therefore was tagged out... shows up late, misses the first game, complains all game, and no hustle, but i didn't say anything to her as we won big... my focus remains on the belly bloat s it should... tomorrow...

fat repulses me

whether it is nature or nurture, cultural influences or instinct (debate away), it does not matter for the cause/source does not change the feeling... even when i am only minimally repulsed, there is no attraction, period... as much as i love myself, my own fat repulses me when i see too much of it and too much is a roll, too much is skin that does not have visible muscle tone, not even close to body builder for too much muscle is too much to be attractive to me too, but visible muscle tone beneath the firm skin... without this, any attempt at physical intimacy is a waste of time and i do not want to fake it or be harsh in rejections, so i stay away from intimacy when i am visibly over-fat and i stay away from visibly over-fat others... no wonder i am alone in this over-fat country, aye?...

let me hear your body talk...