pushing the rehab

more walking each day and then two softball games friday night running the bases until late in the evening and then awake early saturday morning for a 5k, yes, 5k... thank goodness for motivating friends... so i jogged a bit, walked a lot, finished just under 43 minutes and still no serious pain or injury (foot fatigue definitely building though)... and then over to a softball practice, foot still wrapped in it's brace, and the practice went very well... finally put the foot up to rest and nap and here we are, feeling great about the foot progress and ready for two more softball games tomorrow...

for the moment, i shall put aside the frustration of the sad deterioration of muscle tone and stamina and celebrate the progress... yeah, that's the ticket :)

almost jogging

i am walking a bit better and went to the gym and used the elliptical machine for the first time and did ten minutes and almost recorded .82 miles which is a pretty good pace and a great workout for the ankle and no ill effects so i must motivate myself to do it more often... and each day i walk a bit faster (happiness helps and i am just about to the point where he has to trot to pull on the leash, so yay for progress)... any day now i will be trying to jog...

when the first stop is here

it's either very good or... seriously not good... the foot is throbbing enough to immobilize me... here i shall sit until morning, pee bottle next to the chair... work had to be done... it was a very good day, amazing if you know, but not so much for the foot... today was a day that tested the foot seriously, i put more weight on it than i have since the day of the injury, walked more since the day of the injury (and it wasn't that much) and the swelling and pain is back with a vengeance now that i finally put it up... more aspirins please... sheesh...

bumping it up

free lunch at work, so i eat barbecued meat... dinner invite from roommate, so i eat sushi for dinner... then cupcakes... and finishing the night with chips and chocolate milk... belly grows... social eating... exercise (three softball games last night, but then the team went to celebrate winning the championship so fried shrimp and mountain dew... more ountain dew today), but not vigorous enough and so, bloat... age too... and who cares besides me (and do i care enough?)...

well, balancing the hedonism and health-nut life is not always perfect, but hey, we can always try again tomorrow as long as i wake up again, right? :)

feel free to jump in anytime :)

wow, cellular memory

i forget almost every time in every conscious way when i disassociate myself from the physical shell (and the body laughs it's maniacal suicidal cheesy grin laugh as it does not have much choice and it knows it on that cellular memory level that the consciousness avoids so often, but every now and then a glimmer of a glimpse, a sliver of memory slices through as if to be placed on a slide and probes by an electron microscope (cuz that is how thin a slice it is most of the time) and when the brain turns on it's subatomic eye to perceive (because it is beyond human sight as we know it) the cellular memory, the brain floats through a sea of emotions made of every extreme as the temporary journey of life saves it from the utter despair and depths of depression that the daily suicidal choices would ordinarily bring to the ordinary normal mind...

thank goodness i am abnormal...

and the body sighs, laughed out, and blinks back into existence for the briefest moment before blinking again back into oblivion... this is life in human form in this world at this time and i finally fit in...

such a waste, and yet, a success... would amy be proud?... would the others who thought me too idealistic and lacking in common sense when i refused to conform and die, living dead cuz that was the way everyone chose?... and what if i chose to wake now?...

does anyone understand?

:)