extended rest

since i have the time (as i am free of the responsibility of a daily job at the moment) to prolong the rest and inactivity part of this rehabilitation (for better or worse), i have been what we might call, extending the rest and even, lazy (not that i've ever considered that a possibility at any point in this life... if you would see me, you'd be seeing me pointing at the archives of this very blog as a starting point as i laugh at myself)... but on the other hand, all the reading i've done about planar fascia injuries suggests there are likely to be long term problems if rushed, so the luxury of this rest may be the best medicine and the work-ethic suicide pattern so normal in this world can just take a flying leap, na na na na na...

i am getting a might flabby though, so exercise would be wise too (just saying, in case i actually read this and take it seriously one day)... snarky narf :)

freeeek dang dodo foot

hey, it's more creative and for me, more expressive than fucking foot, but it's along the same lines, i suppose... the pain in the front of the arch, just behind the ball, that's the puzzler... bone that didn't show up well on the xray?... ligaments?... something applied a lot of pressure on the arch of the sneaker i was wearing... thought it might have been a sudden hematoma or hemorrhage ... so i got to reading to refresh my memory of the names of the stuff in the foot... i may have torn the flexor hallucis longus at the sesamoid bone at the first metatarsal phalangeal joint... also the anterior talo-fibular ligament... and the birfucated ligament... maybe the extensor digitorium longus... so the primary pain is at the plantar first metatarsal phalangeal and dorsal fourth metatarsal phalangeal and the general are of the talonavicular joint... tomorrow i find out what the doctor has to say...

guess my foot can say a mouthful, huh?...

freakin foot

i gave in and took four aspirins some time during the late morning because i was not gonna work well without them cuz of the distraction... and now i am not sleeping at the moment because of the same distraction... about 80 hours without any pain medication tells me the injury is more foot than ankle and it will not be healing in a week or two, dammit... i did not move the doctor's appointment up, even if i should have, and am still taking it day by day... it does not appear to be getting worse... the swelling is way down, though still present throughout the foot and ankle and a bit of the lower leg... the pain is localized (when off pain meds) to the outer (anterior) center foot (bone or connective tissue) and the outer (left front) foot/ankle connection (connective tissue) the rear right space in front of the heel (two chips off the tibia) and just behind the ball (bone or soft tissue, i had immediate bubble swelling there after the twist so i either popped a blood vessel or disclocated a foot bone, either way it seems the pressure of continuing to run on the foot for another hour and a half after the injury reset or pressed out the bubble)... also dealing with more muscle cramping aching from the inactivity and the redistribution of muscle use...

feel free to sympathize and if you are a really tolerant understanding infinitely patient nurse, feel free to come over and wipe my brow now and then... an occasional hug/cuddle wouldn't hurt much either...

sheeesh...

omigeesh

aching like i have not ached in years mostly (we hope) because i laid off the exercise for a month or so and it was cold (30-50 degrees) this weekend and i was out 11 hours two days in a row and ate a lot of junk and drank a lot of sugar and caffeine and the body pain sensors are warping cuz of the daily aspirin and the muscle pain, elasticity, and regeneration is warping cuz of the statin drugs in the red yeast extract and age is starting to show signs of becoming the mointain it can and eventually will be as time passes in this life... as much as the brain wants to will the body to stay young forever, the body has other ideas it seems... and each time i feel this, it feels more alone... alas, the fun is worth it though (and the weekend was major softball, outdoor, friends and food fun :)

still, would be nice to feel a long warm hug now... in a hot tub lol :)

they call it pigaroni

well, somebody might... so i was exhausted a few hours ago after a long week of work and driving (two days out of town five hours there and five hours back and long full day meeting in between) and two days of packing and lifting and moving boxes of paper (office moving) and another ordinary long work day way back at the start of the week and naturally, not enough sleep in between so i leave work exhausted (did i mention i was exhausted?) and head to play softball (cuz i was surprised by a call yesterday and said yes cuz i love softball but didn't think about the fatigue, nor about the tournament i will play tomorrow and sunday) and after the game i am hungry and here's where the title comes in... taco bell pig-out... T6 and T4 and Beefy Crunchy box and 5-layer and mountain dew (just a medium and didn't even finish it and there are leftovers for tomorrow, three tacos, yeah) and now i am wired, totally wired, fool, should be sleeping and i am totally wired... should sleep, foolish and unhealthy not to according to conventional medical wisdom, but wired... totally wired... did i mention wired?...

eat crap and feel great, it makes no conventional medical sense, but hey, it is what it is... and so, somebody come on and convince me otherwise cuz i really would like to live a few more years, ya know?...

laughter is healthy lol :)

reports of constipation have been greatly exaggerated

while the irreverence of this found it's way into another blog hole, the fact is these are body thoughts and that is what this blog was created for and it surely isn't used as consistently and positively as it should, so here's another entry... as the title suggests, the body does stuff every day that we don't much talk (no less write about, but still it happens and if we are lucky (and taking good care of the body overall), it happens regularly and well (and i don't just mean sex or masturbation)... in a nutshell (though it musta been a huge nut), i roughly estimate that i deposited twenty pounds of waste into the porcelain receptacle over this weekend (and it ain’t over yet)… if that is way too much tmi, you may be in the wrong place as that’s just one of the exciting features of this blog and what we are here for, after all… so i pondered and realized that on the one hand it is a blessing that this body can still process so much food from healthy to junk in such a short period of time (yay for the holiday season, no doubt) and on the other hand, it is a curse that this body does not get sick enough to make me stop such ridiculously suicidal (but ever so fun) pig-out binges of culinary and oral self-indulgence (check out white wolf café next time you are in town… yes, a restaurant review right here in botts, can i get any more . . . oh, fill in your own description term this time, will ya?)….

feeling good, though larger than life in too many ways... what was that declaration i made to jackson?... to be 190 and running daily and doing weight work by the time she gets back down here next month?... luckily, she didn't respond so i am not help to it, right?...

nyuk nyuk, narf :)

no barf :)

let's get physical

i hated the song 'physical' when it first came out and now, years later, i would love someone to let me see their body talk...

crazy wonderful, sorta

alone sucks in so many ways and yet, the amazement of maintaining, overcoming, surviving, and enjoying the heck out of almost every moment alone or not no matter what challenges come my way is astounding and as usual, crazy wonderful... so the knee shuddered as i wrapped it and headed out to play softball, but i played and the knee survived... the healing powers of the mind (and body) continue to be crazy wonderful... not without pain, but i believe i shall play again tomorrow without further damage to the knee as long as i follow the prescription i wrote for myself today... ice, wrap, and care to run consistently without harsh pivots or stop and go (even if that means missing a ball or getting thrown out, with apologies to the team, but losing me for the season would be much less in the team's best interest than my simply missing a play or few)... and the exercise workout was a big yay...

so even without a nurturing nurse (or close friend, even), life is crazy wonderful...

weighty thoughts

amused enough by this (e)thereal entry that probably belonged here that i bring it here, yeah, that's right, i'm bringing it...

i have a doctor's appointment on monday and kinda sorta lead him to believe i would seriously consider a limited partial almost committment to actual dietary changes to fascilitate actual weight loss and gee, i didn't do it... so do i semi-starve myself for the next five days or do i celebrate my four day weekend with the dinner i so deserve and kinda sorta want...

the decision, for the moment at least, is to eat a can of vegetable soup. a bag of light pop corn, and some raw unsalted pecans... my taste buds are moderately unimpressed and that part of my brain craving a meatball parm sub is cursing my higher functioning brain's decision...

i don't know if i'll keep this up till monday, but i did wake early and run this morning... and will a week (i've been eating light and healthy since monday) of sudden strict healthy light diet will really matter?... only if it's followed by thirty more weeks (or at least days) of the same to change the metabolism and drop the weight and then, the occasional new york hot dog with red onions (had more than a few of those sunday) and meatball parm sub and massive extra everything pizza and piles of pasta with rich sauces and and decadent chocolate mousse cake and milk shakes and and and...

this does not bode well for a week of serious change... but at least there is a start... perhaps one day of decadence a week might keep the wight loss program on track until the magic 180 (heck, i remember a lower number being the goal once upon a time) mark is reached once again...

sure, time will tell :)

bloaty belly

softball started up again tonight and i noticed the bloated belly has become a fixture the last few weeks as i work 12+ hour days without food and then eat and nod off when i get home and though it did wake in the middle of the night and make it to the gym again since the last entry here, it's fatigue from overwork and eating one meal late and lack of sleep that's getting to me and no writing, creativity, sharing, and loving that is missing big time and so the body bloats... and yet, i wear large shirts comfortable, which means i am not as big as i get when i must wear extra large shirts only... maybe i'm getting smaller as i age... anybody wanna grow older with me? (cuz we're not gonna grow old, right?)... alas, the rub is that there's nobody around my age who plays softball and basketball and runs and stays up all night and still parties like a little kid and most younger folk just don't have the experience to understand and while their little bodies are cute, there's so much more going on in my mind than anybody else i know so... is this body talk? lol lam :)

dare i not?

or dare i do?... climbing on the scale again is not happening lately, but i suspect i've rises well above 200 again... so let's see... yup. though not as bad as i almost thought, still at 202 all this time after the holidays... indulging in food cuz it tastes so good, cuz masturbation is simply not enough stimulation for the body cuz the taste buds are so sensual too and i am so very oral (come to think of it, i do miss kissing)...

anyway, drop 30 pounds by when? :}

circular motion

yeah, up and down, back to 192, back to 199.8, and round and round and round again... that was may... focus just was not there... maybe it was the disappointment in the people (softball teams, work colleagues, old friends, the human race, all the little things)... maybe it was the unresolved (uninvited?)... maybe it was (was?... isn't it still is-ing?... like now?) just boredom fueling the ambivalence that replaced the joyous optimism and hope and belief in love and life and pleasure and caring and sharing and peace and love (did i meantion love?) and happiness and romance and passion and idealism and beauty and promises and love (mustn't forget the love) and the dreams... maybe it's just getting old...

so why am i still giggling?

enough?

yeah, just keep swimming, but maybe i should have paused and thought about not eating the the second can of pineapple... burp.

just keep swimming

yeah, that's the ticket... just keep moving, that's the best i can do these days... the past week pushed the body to sleep deprivation because work had so much to be done and three nights were busy (two softball and one dinner) and so there was no gym time and no self-focus time and minimal writing time (which is a sign of over-business, if you know me) and so, the weight loss deal probably didn't make much progress but just keep swimming, just keep swimming, ya know...

and who's noticing, anyway? :}

aches and bloats

all this farting around about taking care of me has me hurting and feeling neglected and lonelier than ever... yeah, it's me, the body... i don't get to talk nearly as much as i should given the title of this blog, but i sneak a few words in past the babbler and mind-people when nobody is looking in the wee hours, usually after i get put to bed right after dinner cuz i am begging so hard for the extra rest... i really need to find better ways to get what i need...

yes, bodies have needs and i know how the mind-people hate the word and the concept, except maybe when it comes to a good love song or some really fine milk chocolate, wait, the latter is me too, but that's besides the point (oh no, i'm not sure if i am a babbling body or if the babbler is taking over... can a body have an out of body experience?...

ahem... the costocondritis thing still tears into my chest when i sneeze or cough, so i try not to but the mind-people cannot always control me... i've been able to play softball with less pain and i think the pills are helping a lot... some long chemical name starting with g and a half dozen other herbal-type pills (i trust the mind-people to keep track of that stuff, i mean, as much as i complain about them sometimes, they have kept me alive and kicking {and kicking hard} for a long time) are helping a lot...

i am still quite bloated most of the time though... eating too much in one sitting does that... and eating too much of the fattening stuff... though it tastes so good... not enough exercise, for sure, cuz even though i play softball several times a week, i do not actually work out as much playing softball as i did going to the gym... the aerobics are much less and the duration of intensity is much less and i do hope i get dragged to the gym soon and more often...

what about right now?... aches and bloats and costo-whatever?... good excuses... there's always hope, right?... yeah, i remember how to throw the mind-people's words back at them... nyuk and all... hopefully next time i find myself at the keyboard i'll be less achy and less bloated... all in all, it's been a great life for a body... lonelier than i'd like, especially recently, but still a great life...

hope your mind-people gave you one too :)

apparently not listening

so the rest is not coming, the unpacking is slow, and the stumble in the soft sand let the high pop-up slam down on the left chest wall (better than the face, aye?) and now, after the emergency room ruled out a heart/lung crisis, costochondritis wherein the cartlidge between the ribs is inflammed, and even more specifically, tietze syndrome, where swelling spreads the pain, is a constant visitor (cuz it only hurts when i breathe)... from the er to the softball field (to pitch seven full innings and win) proved the er was right, but the pain, maria, but the pain... can i stop breathing for a while?... and moving?...

body aches

it has ached better (have i?), but still it's better than it has been and yet it bloats from waist to fingers and muscles whisper what a fool i've been (yes, you have)... but only in the physical world (ummmm)... only in the physical world (where do you think i live, idjit?).

the right arm, especially what is called tennis elbow even though mine comes from pitching a softball close to a thousand times a week, is stiff... the legs, especially calves, are stiff from all the steps of the move (second floor to second floor)... and while the arms and legs beg for food, especially protein but also all the other food groups, the extra 20-30 pounds that is the belly remains an intruder slowing me down and getting in my way (obviously diet will not change this, nor the exercise of running and lifting and softball i do... it's gonna take (shudder) abs work... yes, abdominal exercise... sits ups, which used to be a favorite as a younger child and an ego boost as a teen (as i was confident i could do more sit-ups faster in one sitting than anyone at school, just as i was confident i could out-distance run anybody as well), the same sit-ups that are not the dread of dreads for this body when it comes to exercise... obviously, the body needs a good fit sex partner...

don'tcha just love my obvious solutions... obviouslies (eye roll, pppllleeasse:)