yeah, eh

just completed for approximately a 5k at a slow jog/walk... the first two laps were slower, mostly walking fast with happiness and then eight jog/walk laps without him cuz he no longer can keep up more than a few hundred feet, if that far... what a drag it is getting on (thank you rolling stones for gathering no moss)... especially not in 90 degree 60% humidity sunshine... i did not push a jog for a full lap myself in this heat and my current condition (which is the eh part of the title and that is being extremely generous with my blubbery self... yeah, i am probably close to 210 (which is about 10 pounds more than my preferred max weight and 30 pounds more than my preferred fit weight and that is probably higher than the body mass index charts but then, those charts are skewed for small frames and pop culture if you ask me)...

there was tightness in the right calf, probably from compensating for the left foot/ankle... the left foot was fatigued but ok in that there was no injury related pain... the rehab continues and i really ought to do this a few times a week now, not just once a week... but hey, i did it and that is the yeah part of the title... focus on the positive... since i only timed the last eight laps, the time is approximate at a 45 minute 5k... given the heat and body condition (not to mention carefully wrapped ankle/foot), eh...

better and better

this weekend was the biggest challenge to date... i decided to try walking without any support, that is no ace bandage or sneaker, just arch-less moccasins for an extended period (all day out at parks and then at downtown disney) and the news is great - no direct injury related pain until after several hours and then it was not enough to stop, though i started limping a bit as evening approached... even better, the day after was fine (just slight discomfort) and i decided to keep going without any support... the point was to test the stability of the foot and ankle and it passed with flying colors...

so i feel confident it is healing well... i will still wrap it well and use a brace when i play sftball because i don't want to accidentally take a mis-step in the heat of the game and i will generally walk with some arch support just cuz that is better for the foot and the planar fascia is prone to fascitis for months or even longer after a rupture, but it was great to pass the test of walking almost barefoot and being on my feet for 6-8 hours... it's been a long time since the initial injury, for sure...

and even more good news - all this introspective body talk actually helped someone (thanks for the comments) which makes posting this even more positive... and one more thing - thanks to the best friend and roommate i could ever have asked for cuz without her, this foot/ankle might never have healed as it has and i could very well have pushed it too hard too fast and caused a permanent injury that would have prevented running again - especially cuz my health insurance ran out just when i should have started physical therapy... yay for best friends... and thank you dear anonymous commenter for reminding me :)

good weekend

saturday was softball practice and since only seven people showed up we did batting practice which let me pitch a few hundred pitches and field my position and take a few dozen swings and that is the kind of practice i personally need much more than the other types of practices and the foot/ankle held up well... stress aching, but no direct injury-related pain worth noting, just discomfort... the best results yet from the foot testing... and after the 6 laps on friday, this is definitely good news...

sunday i woke early and felt wired and went for a brisk walk with a little bit of run and then rested and then did 20 minutes on the elliptical at level 7 down to level 3 and clocked 1.64 miles and around 180 calories (calories was an estimate) and pulse peaked over 150bpm... then went to the weights and used 80 pounds for 3 reps each on the two upper body machines and another 2 more on the pull down and felt it good (hurt so good, huh?)...

today is a rest day, mostly, especially since the weather is really wet and windy (bands of Isaac)... good day not to have to go outside...

slight delay

yeah, so last weekend was a slight fiasco when it came to the rehab process as my morale was flushed down the toilet and blah blah blah so i skipped this week and distracted myself with intellectual fun and food and yeah, probably put on a pound or few (though i must say i have been amazingly disciplined during these past almost four months (yes, 4 months) of inactivity as i have not gained a net pound from the day of injury through today even with some gain this week, which, is you've read me and know how much i love food {and how much food is a comfort and how much i've needed comfort during this first serious injury of this lifetime and new very lonely rehab process, not to mention other major life changes any good therapist would welcome my money to discuss for months, at least... psyche, aye?}, is quite seriously outstanding will power, discipline, and healthy habits... even moreso as my roommate has gained weight during this period, partly because she is exercising less because her primary exercise partner {that would be me} is, alas, off his feet a lot)...

anyway, perhaps it is time to renew the rehab mentality and while avoiding the critical strangers who have less sensitivity than i would like (it is sad that i must accept a lack of a supportive caring world once again, but then, that is the world i was born into and accepted it very young, so the fact that naivety and hopefulness survives in me as it does is, again, pretty amazing... so i'm a pretty amazing dude, aye?... well just look at all this positive self-talk... jackson would be so proud), stepping out to social physical activity (softball fields) again next weekend... enough grumbling about set backs, not quite full speed ahead, but forward... next weekend (oh go ahead, i'm laughing at myself :)

foot report: walking better, faster, jogging a bit with discomfort but no sharp pains... ankle report, similar... still very wobbling and not pivoting well, not putting full body weight on it yet... leg report: muscles occasionally cramping, weak but improving... body report: blah blah blah blah... eat better, exercise more, sex would be nice...

alrighty then

yesterday (when i was young, la la la) was a good kick in the psyche and i found myself out on the softball field (with strangers, no less... not the ideal first time back, but... i don't actually have a family, alas, wah wah wah and all that)... jackson was there and she cares and is as close to family as i've got, so i had the best i could and yay for her...

anyway, i survived... there is pain, but nothing new... no damage... just the stress of movement and some light running (to first base) and attempting to put full weight on the foot/ankle while swinging the bat and pitching (i'll work my way up to full weight and actually pivoting)... the achilles and hamstring (and of course foot and ankle) showed definite signs of weakness and tightness, so stretching is essential prior to any exercise and alertness must be maintained to prevent ancillary injuries... but all in all, a very good first day back on the field... well delayed by extended rest, but maybe that is for the best... jackson thinks so :)

extended rest

since i have the time (as i am free of the responsibility of a daily job at the moment) to prolong the rest and inactivity part of this rehabilitation (for better or worse), i have been what we might call, extending the rest and even, lazy (not that i've ever considered that a possibility at any point in this life... if you would see me, you'd be seeing me pointing at the archives of this very blog as a starting point as i laugh at myself)... but on the other hand, all the reading i've done about planar fascia injuries suggests there are likely to be long term problems if rushed, so the luxury of this rest may be the best medicine and the work-ethic suicide pattern so normal in this world can just take a flying leap, na na na na na...

i am getting a might flabby though, so exercise would be wise too (just saying, in case i actually read this and take it seriously one day)... snarky narf :)

almost jogging

i am walking a bit better and went to the gym and used the elliptical machine for the first time and did ten minutes and almost recorded .82 miles which is a pretty good pace and a great workout for the ankle and no ill effects so i must motivate myself to do it more often... and each day i walk a bit faster (happiness helps and i am just about to the point where he has to trot to pull on the leash, so yay for progress)... any day now i will be trying to jog...

pushing the limits further

the foot - walking up to an hour a day, almost, and gearing up for serious physical therapy that i will research and provide for myself...

the body - the buzz of changing habits to return to exercise and keep an old promise (marathon the year i cut my hair) is screaming even louder than the tinnitus (which is quite mind-occupyingly loud lately) and hopefully i will actually start soon...

the hair - gone... so much more to say, but no sleep x3+ days = blah blah blah...

brain - no sleep for 3+ days, distracted, unfocused, bearly blurry blah blah blah...

more to follow, we hope :}

timing bad, m'ok?

yeah, it is not good to leave a job and suddenly be thrust into a job search the same day as boot removal... so i have not been using the boot or crutches for almost two weeks, but i am also not walking much... my days are spent sitting here online searching for jobs and the motivation to dress and wrap the foot and tie on the sneaker is minimal... luckily happiness, the wonder dog, begs to go outside a lot and likes to pull and walk... the pulling is challenging, almost pulling me off my feel or off balance so i almost hurt the foot and ankle... must be very careful (and a little hard on him cuz i cannot afford a re-injury what with needing to go on interviews when they finally come and no health insurance for months, bad timing, m'ok)... the good news is the foot is doing better... i am walking slowly on flat surfaces with minimal pain... dangerous are the slopes and bumpy surfaces (so stay off the grass)... just need to focus on more consistent (and more) exercise and stretching and more exercise... careful physical therapy rehab, must do it myself, motivate, careful, must... and rest, must get back to sleeping regularly... and eating regularly... stop letting this bummer job search distract me... positivity...

that is all for today, mostly a reminder :}

neglecting updates

neglecting the rehab too while i'm at it... yeah, the loss of work (i believe it was the day after the last entry here) my desk at work and i parted ways... that has left me sitting at this laptop revising resumes and cover letters and searching the job market and finding very little out there, nothing that will pay what i've been getting, so, depressing week... the body was feeling the effects (affects too) and that gave the foot yet another week of rest, but not the physical therapy or activity it needs... though not wearing the boot or using the crutches all week has been good (challenging though) for the foot... need to focus on rehab and shake the blues... alone, sigh, unless you feel like coming over and helping (what?... you think i write all these words on the web for my health?... ummmm, well, yeah, that is the primary reason, but i could keep them private, after all... i put them out here for you to read hoping you {somebody} will be interested in coming closer, becoming a friend, maybe even close... anybody out there?)... and that's the body update for today... sigh and all...

ok, wonderful

i survived two trips to the theatre and one trip to a restaurant in the past three days on top of the working at work and self-care at home and the foot is better than it's been since the injury... i put some pressure on it and walked twenty feet or so without crutches a couple of times, outside with the boot on and at home without the boot... the pain flares at two get spots like clockwork and the rest of the leg muscles show signs of atrophy from lack of use which makes pushing the walking all the more important... balance is the key cuz those two pain flare spots are warnings that damage can happen suddenly if i push those two spots too far too fast... but it is still wonderful news to be healing...

getting bettter

don't want to jinx it, but i am not regressing after walking short stints around the house or office with the boot on... even without the boot at home from one room to the other isn't setting me back too far... the same pain areas continue to flare up, swell, throb, and ache for a while after walking, but not as much as past weeks... still not walking without crutches more than five to ten total minutes a day though... and while i still must elevate regularly to keep the pain down, improvement is good...

feeling alone tonight... but at least the foot is getting better...

still, the foot

healing is happening and some walking on the foot is happening, but the reaction from the plantar fascia is not great so the walking is minimal and very low pressure... i should be ok getting to our seats for la cage aux folles thursday and saturday if i call ahead and arrange to walk to the aisle before the crowd... our seats are center of a long row thursday and third row left center saturday, so once i get there i show be ok... i still haven't found time to call the doctor and they haven't called me back (which is so typical and yet, still sad) and my guess is they will do little, maybe suggest an expensive oprthopedic insert for when i can finally get a shoe on... swelling still happens after walking, the ligaments are healing slowly... the pain at the site of the tibia break flairs if i put too much pressure on it or try to turn the ankle... there is more range of motion, just not much... not being able to walk is getting old, not to mention not being able to run...

and so it goes as time goes by...

pushing the foot

getting a little better every day as long as i keep the boot on when i am walking, but more walking than i want to do cuz work is so busy... healing continues... top ligaments and plantar fascia still swelling after walking... the plantar fascia remains a throbbing knot after walking... the fracture stings a little after walking... some muscle burn achilles and others... more skin itching... still didn't get a minute to call the doctor for a rescheduled appointment... must make time tomorrow... so tired... must get the rest...

healing a plantar fascia rupture

the plantar fascia rupture is going to be the biggest challenge and obstacle between me and getting back on the road running and playing softball and racketball and tennis and basketball and any other activity generally requiring two healthy feet... resting the foot after walking on it around the apartment, just to the kitchen and back a few times cooking and to the bathroom to shower and turning around in the shower a few times and walking happiness out to the lawn, maybe a hundred or so steps of varying pressure (only a few dozen full weight in and out the shower)... and now feeling the plantar fascia swelling and throbbing is diminishing after two hours of sitting here elevated... so the pattern appears to be it becomes inflamed and swells after walking, less so with the boot on (about half the time) so it must have more to do with the flexing of the ligament than with the lack of elevation and what i need to know is whether flexing the plantar fascia is a positive step or a negative step in the healing process... consult the doctor this week...

and how are your feet today? :)

was good for a while

and then, i hopped around a bit cooking dinner and cleaning up... maybe the mistake was not wearing the boot because not the plantar fascia is aching throbbing and curling the foot oddly and i probably should wear the boot or a splint more often to maintain the natural arch or something like that... there must be something other than the full boot for this... alas, i wish i didn't miss the doctor's appointment... and i wish the doctor's office called me back like they said they would friday...and i wish this foot would heal already... anyway, there is improvement and maybe this is the healing process for a plantar fascia rupture... think healing thoughts...think healing thoughts...think healing thoughts...

this week is the best yet for the foot, though it still hurts too much to put full pressure on it and i still cannot move the foot without major pain (signs of the ligament damage)... the plantar facia is almost definitely ruptured, which is not good news... i hope the last four and a half weeks didn't slow the healing process or do more damage, but probably not... i did the damage myself by playing another game and a half, pitching, batting, and running on the foot... dummy... not going to the doctor right away, accepting a PA's diagnosis after telling the PA what i did (continued playing for a while) lead the PA to misdiagnose on multiple levels... alas, the bottom line is i immobilized the foot and have not walked on it since getting the boot two days after the injury, which is right treatment for a ruptured pf (hey, i wonder if that's where pf flyers got their name), so maybe no excess damage done...

still hurts and takes a long time to heal...

the continued swelling makes sense too... and the top of the foot ligaments are definitely torn too and the same treatment, immobilization, so again, just time, time time... and we already have the diagnosis of the fracture of the base of the tibia, so that stinging pain now and then there shouldn't surprise me... i've got to figure out how to speed up the ligament damage though... linseed (flax)... and rest... dangit...

improvement

yeah, i have been fooled by improvement before so i am not jumping up and down with excitement... yeah, i noticed my choice of words and weak attempt at humor... the good news is that the foot is not throbbing as painful in the evening and i did not elevate as much today and i am not hurting as much when i out a little pressure on it, though very little... healing might actually be happening... a little... there is still throbbing though... and the calf and achilles tendon atrophy is starting to hurt a bit more... and the swelling returns when i stand or lower the foot, but not as much, i think... but maybe... stay positive... so maybe i am crossing over the halfway point (that's depressing from a time line perspective) and... one day at a time...

much better without the walking

though i didn't eat anything but nuts today... i can afford to lose weight, but the foot needs protein and balance... taking vitamins and a few supplements... out of walnuts though and fish oil doesn't have the right fatty acid and the omega-3 hasn't arrived yet... and i still have the weeks work clothes in the laundry in the dryer... and i didn't take a shower... but the foot is much better when i do not walk on it and when i do not try to hop around the house a lot... the healing continues... minimal swelling too... the diagnosis is confirmed more with each passing day... no rhoids, that's good news... wish there was something other than rest and wait i can do... even exercising other body parts makes the foot hurt more as the blood pressure and pulse rising makes it throb and it is not easy to not move the foot muscles at all when trying to push other muscles no matter what the exercise... dealing with the frustration and impatience as well as i am able... writing it out helps... and that's the body thoughts for today...

again, too much walking

just around the house, dangit... too much pressure on the foot and the pain is clearer than ever... bottom of the tibia where the fracture is... and the plantar fascia is definitely ruptured... and the top of the midfoot pain remain pointing to a stable lisfranc injury, non-displaced since they saw no bone fractures or displacements, some of the ligaments must be torn... and the only cure is staying off the foot and letting the ligaments heal and that can take months... so all the attempted walking i am doing is not helping... that is not good news (should i wait for a doctor to tell me or just be intelligent)...

who am i asking, anyway?