yeah, well, whatever

ok so i stepped up to the plate over the weekend and it was good overall, baby steps for sure, and besides all the whining about insensitivity from some strangers new to the team who seemed to expect me to be able to run on rough surfaces without any ankle support (simply, i went to watch the game and the game was rained out so a handful of people went to a soccer field for some hitting/fielding practice and when i declined to participate because i was recovering from the first test the day before and had come out without ankle brace or any wrap in shoes for the first time {yeah, not even sneakers with better support) i was told i was making excuses... just walking on the uneven surface was a relatively new experience for the foot/ankle... and maybe it was meant to be friendly teasing (from strangers?), but being frustrated with my inactivity already and just a sensitive child, i took a walk and nurtured myself since nobody out there cared to and then whined to myself as i sorted through clothes, so to speak - thanks harry for understanding)...

the body became quiet depressed and i don't want to go through that again, so i will skip the sunday afternoon team for rehab and wait for the other teams where a bit more sensitivity might actually happen... sometimes i really don't care what anyone thinks, i just want to take care of myself my way and even if i never really have family or a nurturing environment, i'd rather be alone sometimes than put up with people's insensitivity (selfishness, machoness, egocentricity, call it whatever, people suck sometimes)... set back?... yup...

and that's what the body thinks today...

otherwise, aside from some ache, no bad news from the foot... just must remember how important attitude, encouragement, support, confidence, and preparation is in this rehab process (especially if nobody else does)...

extended rest

since i have the time (as i am free of the responsibility of a daily job at the moment) to prolong the rest and inactivity part of this rehabilitation (for better or worse), i have been what we might call, extending the rest and even, lazy (not that i've ever considered that a possibility at any point in this life... if you would see me, you'd be seeing me pointing at the archives of this very blog as a starting point as i laugh at myself)... but on the other hand, all the reading i've done about planar fascia injuries suggests there are likely to be long term problems if rushed, so the luxury of this rest may be the best medicine and the work-ethic suicide pattern so normal in this world can just take a flying leap, na na na na na...

i am getting a might flabby though, so exercise would be wise too (just saying, in case i actually read this and take it seriously one day)... snarky narf :)

activity partner(s)

that is one of the most important thing missing in this life these days, activity partners who will play will me... tennis partners... softball workout partners... gym partners... running partners... we won't even get into sex partners here as that is yet another story for yet another entry for yet another blog... as the years have passed i enjoy the solitary exercise i used to love (long runs especially) less and less and i want to share the physical fun more and more, so i find myself letting much needed rest and other necessary fun (like writing, playing mind games, reading, and communicating with others) take the place of solitary physical activity and without an activity partner that means not enough physical activity so... thinking about this...

anybody wanna play [insert activity] with me? :)

face stuffing is a full time job

yeah, it is, you know it if you've ever done it... and delicious can be found everywhere, so unless i go nowhere and say no to everything, i continue to bloat enough to not drop under 200 pounds... but i've got a couple of weeks before the imaginary deadline and sort-of promise i made myself by telling someone else i agree to do it... and besides, the body feels much better not bloated, so why in the world would i continue trading a few minutes of oral ecstasy for twenty four hours of bloat each day... rhetorical, of course... get real...

alone, alas, alright

fatigue on the surface blows away with a good night of sleep, but the deep fatigue requires a few days, at least, of endless sleep and to truly rebuild the body at the cellular level and be reborn, it can take weeks of rest, real rest, which does not include any waking with an alarm clock or pushing the body or mind... i don't have time for that... and alone, alas, i take refuse in the hormonal comforts and escapes and releases that come from the chemicals in foods... i know what works for this body, but i over do it and keep an extra thirty pounds on the torso that produces even more fatigue, but on another level, slows everything down (which is exactly what i need)... so i will be alright, because instinctively i know what to do in these ridiculously workaholic times... a vacation would be sweet, a change of life would be best, but for now, the survival skills survive...