recording this moment

reaching back this week i ate minimally and relatively healthy for a modern human in this fast food processed culture, humus, pasta, nutes, a sandwich or two of processed meat and cheese... lite mayo, lite butter substitute, ketchup... i dropped some weight... and i skipped sleep too much, though sleeping more when the body asked than according to a daily clock...

in the past 36 hours i slept about four hours... waking for this current awake period about 26 hours ago... in the first twelve hours i walked, worked on the computer, watched tv, cooked, ate dinner, and along about the 13th hour started feeling sleep calling... it was then that i showered and dressed and went out to a card party... for the first time this week i drank caffeine (iced tea) and ate meat and chocolate in abundance... i played cards until about four hours ago and then drove home...

in the past three hours the body rose from fatigue to rejuvenated, the mind from groggy to clarity, the eyes from blurry to an acuity i have not experienced in several, perhaps many months or longer... while i feel body fatigue, i also feel calm, at peace, and more consciously aware of the moment and surroundings than again, in perhaps many months or longer... i write this now to record these moments for i would not mind learning precisely how i arrived here and how to repeat the process/journey...

is it the chocolate?... the sugar and fat?... the meat? (the meat was re-processed meatballs in a sweet-sour tomato-cranberry sauce made by one of the people at the party)... the caffeine (which certainly should have worn off by now, except for the amount in the chocolate, as i drank the last of the tea, just 24 ounces or so, about six hours ago)... or are the chemicals in the foods just a catalyst providing the energy to allow the mind (and eyes) to wake and return to a clarity (and acuity) that has long been buried in fatigue from overwork and external distraction...

the latter seems the most cogent explanation...

certainly logic suggests that sleep is required some time today if i am to go out tonight as planned, but at the moment i am in a very relaxed (not wired) awake place that is not asking for sleep, rather, is asking for more mental stimulation and more interaction...

so for all the whining and complaining and pain and self-destructive body and other thoughts that have been here and elsewhere, i felt recording this moment of clarity as related to the physical experience of being in this body in this time and space would be of benefit if only to remind me that it does happen...

yeah, but i don't just vege ya know

i mean, just to be fair and balanced in this record of the body experience (the body wants more, but it is honest too), and the body tells me that i do more than vege... i play softball several times a week most weeks throughout the year and i don't jog, i run the bases and feel the burn and want more... i wish i could play every day cuz i love the game and when i play double headers i want to play a third every time, even when i am tired... and i love running 5Ks when i sign up for them, but i do not sign up nearly enough... i love tennis, racquetball, and basketball when jackson or someone has time to play... so the fair and balanced record is that i am more active, a lot more active than the average person, especially when we look at average ages and demographics and all... still, not nearly enough exercise to satisfy me or keep the body in the condition most comfortable so all this fair and balanced crap is bull... but at least it's part of the record, aye?... posterity, ya know?...

and the body says... more exercise please :}

activity partner(s)

that is one of the most important thing missing in this life these days, activity partners who will play will me... tennis partners... softball workout partners... gym partners... running partners... we won't even get into sex partners here as that is yet another story for yet another entry for yet another blog... as the years have passed i enjoy the solitary exercise i used to love (long runs especially) less and less and i want to share the physical fun more and more, so i find myself letting much needed rest and other necessary fun (like writing, playing mind games, reading, and communicating with others) take the place of solitary physical activity and without an activity partner that means not enough physical activity so... thinking about this...

anybody wanna play [insert activity] with me? :)

and then i laugh

all the emo drama, complaints, self-berating, blah blah blah and so on... yeah, it's great to be thin, to be light, to move smoothely and reach for the optimal physical experience in this life, but heck, i am so comfortable in my skin it is ridiculous to lay the wah wah guilt trip on myself... truth is, it is all so all in the mind...

and then i laugh :)