hypocrit?

i remain mostly bloated once again, stupidity by choice (which defines stupidity, after all), and maybe that makes me a hypocrit or just stupid... it's not as if i find myself attractive or think i am immune to the unhealthiness of fat, i just don't care enough to take optimal care of this body these days... sad, i suppose, and yet, i am laughing at the hedonistic carelessness...

hope i don't stroke :}

fat repulses me

whether it is nature or nurture, cultural influences or instinct (debate away), it does not matter for the cause/source does not change the feeling... even when i am only minimally repulsed, there is no attraction, period... as much as i love myself, my own fat repulses me when i see too much of it and too much is a roll, too much is skin that does not have visible muscle tone, not even close to body builder for too much muscle is too much to be attractive to me too, but visible muscle tone beneath the firm skin... without this, any attempt at physical intimacy is a waste of time and i do not want to fake it or be harsh in rejections, so i stay away from intimacy when i am visibly over-fat and i stay away from visibly over-fat others... no wonder i am alone in this over-fat country, aye?...

let me hear your body talk...

gym at midnight

running on caffeine and adrenaline, only 3-4 hours sleep and still, made it to the gym around midnight and the body loved it, even if the heart gives out tomorrow, it felt fantastic tonight... and without a lover, after all, what pleasure can i experience... masturbation, exercise, creative play, and food...

meet me at the gym at midnight :)