neck, ear, head, foot

checking in with the body, the neck has been aching all day since i woke, the usual nagging... stress?... blood pressure?... fatigue?... diet?... lack of exercise?... body position?... other?... whatever, i've hardly sat down today because the foot and leg need exercise and the neck too as too much sitting in the recliner at the laptop can aggravate the neck (which is why the pain in the neck is puzzling)... anyway, the upper body used the 10 lb dumbbells about ten minutes every hour... that (exercise) often relieves the neck pain but not today... maybe more rest, i mean real rest (de-stressed rest, which is challenging to do these days)....

and then the ear is louder than it's been in weeks, at least, so i am increasing in crankiness as the hours go by... an ordinary mind might have gone off the deep end, i mean unhinged, i mean broken down or something (audio torture induced mental illness?) by now... and if that's not enough, the head is hurting a little, probably from minimal food intake and no caffeine, but definitely third on the list... the good news is that the foot/leg is fourth on the list of pains today in spite of being up and standing and walking most of the day... hooray for good news...

now if i only had the solution to the neck and ear (besides ignoring it, which i've done for years now... doctors don't seem to take it or me seriously, probably because i don't want to take their pills... doctors are way too dependent on pills, probably because they satisfy most people who accept relief of {or masking of} symptoms as a cure... and tests are just more expensive every year and most doctors don't know enough to read advanced tests anyway... and medical malpractice has driven many doctors to have as little actual contact with patients as possible... where is dr. house when you need him, huh?... and come to thing of it, who can afford dr. house and all the tests he runs... who pays for those, anyway?... ah, but seriously would an mri and cat scan of my ear and head and neck tell them anything?)...

body thoughts, aye?

neglecting updates

neglecting the rehab too while i'm at it... yeah, the loss of work (i believe it was the day after the last entry here) my desk at work and i parted ways... that has left me sitting at this laptop revising resumes and cover letters and searching the job market and finding very little out there, nothing that will pay what i've been getting, so, depressing week... the body was feeling the effects (affects too) and that gave the foot yet another week of rest, but not the physical therapy or activity it needs... though not wearing the boot or using the crutches all week has been good (challenging though) for the foot... need to focus on rehab and shake the blues... alone, sigh, unless you feel like coming over and helping (what?... you think i write all these words on the web for my health?... ummmm, well, yeah, that is the primary reason, but i could keep them private, after all... i put them out here for you to read hoping you {somebody} will be interested in coming closer, becoming a friend, maybe even close... anybody out there?)... and that's the body update for today... sigh and all...

again, too much walking

just around the house, dangit... too much pressure on the foot and the pain is clearer than ever... bottom of the tibia where the fracture is... and the plantar fascia is definitely ruptured... and the top of the midfoot pain remain pointing to a stable lisfranc injury, non-displaced since they saw no bone fractures or displacements, some of the ligaments must be torn... and the only cure is staying off the foot and letting the ligaments heal and that can take months... so all the attempted walking i am doing is not helping... that is not good news (should i wait for a doctor to tell me or just be intelligent)...

who am i asking, anyway?

too much walking

especially too much walking without the boot... happiness just woke me again to go outside... so much for sleeping in and getting the rest the foot needs... frustrated... i just don't feel like going through the whole process of putting on a sock (which is painful and i've got to wash socks today) and then putting on the boot just to go to the bathroom, kitchen, or the lawn for happiness... but a dozen trips to the kitchen, a half dozen trips to the bathroom, and a half dozen trips to the lawn have taken a toll... i didn't even get into the shower or do laundry and have to find the foot strength for both, dangit... i love him, but happiness was challenging and took more foot than intended... he just doesn't wait, bolts out the door (gave me a couple of painful rope burns earlier this year) and can pull me over if i am not ready and really stable on the crutches and this morning he caught me off guard and pulled the leash out of my hands before i could negotiate the newspaper sitting right in the doorway... he can also get out of his collar... i had to yell at him to come back and i definitely put too much pressure on the foot... i feel bad cuz he needs exercisse... but the foot... hopefully it's not too much of a set back for the foot... the extreme throbbing is back, as is swelling... the pain has been a lot worse though... it just hurts a lot, not the max extreme... but enough to want no more walking on it today... still need to shower and do laundry and eat though, so maybe for a six or eight hour, at least though... if i take happiness out again i'll put on a dirty sock and the boot... need more sleep but happiness and the foot say no... alas, the weekend was supposed to be rest...

good days, bad days

whatever good and bad might mean... tolerable pain, totally distracting pain, there's a better title... so i recall feeling optimistic some time late on sunday after resting the entire weekend and then after laying down, there was an increase in the pain enough to keep me awake, but somehow i fell asleep and then yesterday it was moderate most of the day and then, swelling returned when i got home and pain rose enough after dark for me to still be awake after midnight and i reached for aspirins somewhere later and woke every hour... works then kept me on my feet way more than any day since the injury, so the foot is puffing up and kinda throbbing numb... hopefully it doesn't lose it's numb too soon... dang foot...

freakin foot

i gave in and took four aspirins some time during the late morning because i was not gonna work well without them cuz of the distraction... and now i am not sleeping at the moment because of the same distraction... about 80 hours without any pain medication tells me the injury is more foot than ankle and it will not be healing in a week or two, dammit... i did not move the doctor's appointment up, even if i should have, and am still taking it day by day... it does not appear to be getting worse... the swelling is way down, though still present throughout the foot and ankle and a bit of the lower leg... the pain is localized (when off pain meds) to the outer (anterior) center foot (bone or connective tissue) and the outer (left front) foot/ankle connection (connective tissue) the rear right space in front of the heel (two chips off the tibia) and just behind the ball (bone or soft tissue, i had immediate bubble swelling there after the twist so i either popped a blood vessel or disclocated a foot bone, either way it seems the pressure of continuing to run on the foot for another hour and a half after the injury reset or pressed out the bubble)... also dealing with more muscle cramping aching from the inactivity and the redistribution of muscle use...

feel free to sympathize and if you are a really tolerant understanding infinitely patient nurse, feel free to come over and wipe my brow now and then... an occasional hug/cuddle wouldn't hurt much either...

sheeesh...

foot on the brain

so i am pretty certain it is a foot injury as the ankle is a little sore, but the foot in a couple of spots rages burns and stabs quite severely enough to prevent sleep and walking... i got home today and was able to move around enough to take happiness out to the front lawn for a pee and get food from the fridge... after sitting and eating, the throbbing began again... movement helps, but it does not stop the stabbing pain in one spot in particular and when the throbbing starts it is two or three spots consistently, so whatever damage was done was specific to those spots...

also some muscle cramping after i got home... from walking very differently perhaps... and possible from pain drug withdrawals (just daily aspirins and three hydrocodone tabs, so maybe not)... or perhaps it's diet as i did not eat or drink all day... need to figure out how to get food and drink to the office... very challenging to deal with a leg cramp when foot immobility is vital to lowering pain... swelling is down a lot, wish the pain was...

just updating in case i forget, perhaps, or maybe posterity will want to know... just disclaiming in case someone actually reads this and wonders why... just wondering why myself... just a little lonely tonight i guess... focus is weak... foot on the brain is very distracting... foot pain is very isolating...

hello? :}

damn the pain, full speed ahead

ok, so not quite full speed... in fact, not even a slow walk... still at a very wobbly hobble, actually, but we definitely have damn the pain right... the ten steps to the bathroom turn into twenty mini-hops on the crutches, each way, followed by a half hour of throbbing until the foot returns to it's semi-numb, semi-on fire state... then there are the rest of the muscles starting to ache because they are compensating for the foot... and then there are stiffness aches in the legs from lack of movement... and did i mention the stomach ache from the too many aspirins?... sheesh, how about the headache from, who knows what?... and i probably should eat some prunes soon too, daily, even...

i am so not having fun...

ok, so this is the most challenging challenge the body has had in quite some time... i never had a leg/foot injury before (though there was the hamstring a few years ago, but i continued playing softball with that one, just hobbled along until it got better... ankles appear to be much more necessary for ambulation), considering i've been running and playing ball for so many years, a lifetime... still, a lifetime of no injuries doesn't make this one hurt less and definitely does not make getting around any easier... not sure how i am getting to work and from the car to my office (and back) tomorrow, but it's the plan...

video game diet update

i stopped to play a video game that helped me focus on dropping the weight i piled on during a few years of imbalanced diet and when i returned to daily blogging more than ever, i find the past month has unfocused the balance i had achieved in the diet and have regained at least ten of the almost forty pounds i lost during the two or so months of what i semi-jokingly called the video game diet...

gotta get your abs right

what would be good for this body more than anything, i think, would be finding motivation to remember that i have abs… there was a time when a thousand sit ups was a piece of cake… now, a piece of cake is all my abs see… and used to be i’d be motivated by the prospect of sex, but as much as i still enjoy sensuality, my high abdominal standards have crashed and burned in the past decade… sad, cuz everything is so much better when the abs are right…

don't lose it this time

i mean the motivation to live, dammit... the decadent snacks are still everywhere and the belly continues to beg for bloat and the taste buds continue to crave fat and sugar and grease and crap and the body continues to crave for carbs and sugars and chocolate drugs and we must change the habit, we must retrain the metabolism to not crave large quantities of sugars and carbs at every meal... we must retrain the body to digest the proteins...

time for me

screaming through a runny nose that has me hacking enough to actually pour nighttime cough/cold medicine down my throat still is not keeping me home or increasing the sleep time so desperately needed for fighting off the bugs inside and rebuilding the frayed immune system that is allowing this cold/flu bug to take hold... no rest for the idiot desperately seeking attention and social interaction... i know it is the holiday season when social opportunities are frequent and hiding out leaves us all the more lonely all year, but sheesh... and i know he isn't trying to kill me, but he sure is not taking care of me right... somebody smack him and put me to bed for a week... preferably with an adorable nurse...

sincerely,
the body

still the same (or worse?)

feeling the blood pressure higher than it should be due to the bloat around the major organs and excess weight and sleep deprivation and now, fatigue induced head-cold symptoms... add not sleeping well to the physical discomforts and suicidal tendencies... hope i wake up and remember how to live before i die...

why hast thou foresaken me?

woah, getting biblical on my ass, am i?... well, the body has it's own irreverent sense of humor and as it does speak out here, i occasionally respond as i am doing now (so who is really in control?... oooo, the question cuts the air like a razor wire)...

ummmmm, in spite of the frequent softball, the eating habits remain over-indulgent for the taste buds and ignore the bloat signals sent by the stomach and other vital organs in the torso, leaving the ridiculouso sign flashing on the forehead for anyone with a third eye to see... so when will the gym become a regular part of the routine and when will i remember what stamina really means and when will i start taking the resistance against gravity and the natural aging forces seriously...

ever?...

there's something burning somewhere... and i think it's me.

bummer

Word came that one of the softball nights was cancelled due to not enough players for a new team. The word came that a second softball night only has five males signed up and needs at least another male and four females and so the second night might not have enough players for a new team and that will leave just one night. The third night team is set and I am trying to stay positive about it, but it would appear at first glance (based on the emails being exchanged) that the league is mostly college kids. Hopefully that will not be too alienating for me. Stay positive.