recording this moment

reaching back this week i ate minimally and relatively healthy for a modern human in this fast food processed culture, humus, pasta, nutes, a sandwich or two of processed meat and cheese... lite mayo, lite butter substitute, ketchup... i dropped some weight... and i skipped sleep too much, though sleeping more when the body asked than according to a daily clock...

in the past 36 hours i slept about four hours... waking for this current awake period about 26 hours ago... in the first twelve hours i walked, worked on the computer, watched tv, cooked, ate dinner, and along about the 13th hour started feeling sleep calling... it was then that i showered and dressed and went out to a card party... for the first time this week i drank caffeine (iced tea) and ate meat and chocolate in abundance... i played cards until about four hours ago and then drove home...

in the past three hours the body rose from fatigue to rejuvenated, the mind from groggy to clarity, the eyes from blurry to an acuity i have not experienced in several, perhaps many months or longer... while i feel body fatigue, i also feel calm, at peace, and more consciously aware of the moment and surroundings than again, in perhaps many months or longer... i write this now to record these moments for i would not mind learning precisely how i arrived here and how to repeat the process/journey...

is it the chocolate?... the sugar and fat?... the meat? (the meat was re-processed meatballs in a sweet-sour tomato-cranberry sauce made by one of the people at the party)... the caffeine (which certainly should have worn off by now, except for the amount in the chocolate, as i drank the last of the tea, just 24 ounces or so, about six hours ago)... or are the chemicals in the foods just a catalyst providing the energy to allow the mind (and eyes) to wake and return to a clarity (and acuity) that has long been buried in fatigue from overwork and external distraction...

the latter seems the most cogent explanation...

certainly logic suggests that sleep is required some time today if i am to go out tonight as planned, but at the moment i am in a very relaxed (not wired) awake place that is not asking for sleep, rather, is asking for more mental stimulation and more interaction...

so for all the whining and complaining and pain and self-destructive body and other thoughts that have been here and elsewhere, i felt recording this moment of clarity as related to the physical experience of being in this body in this time and space would be of benefit if only to remind me that it does happen...