The triggers were all there neatly lined up in a row. Jackson in public. Heading back here alone. Fatigue (lack of sleep). Reaching out to the friends I have and realizing they are wrapped up in their own worlds, like Jackson, and I am not part of it. My place in this world is the outsider, the drifter, the loner. Anyway, I caved in and after the Chinese Buffet yesterday, I went Taco Bell crazy tonight and probably put 4000 calories in me. The food blog can tell you more.
All without blood pressure medications and with a doctor's appointment in two days.
So now I either rededicate myself to a week of 1000 calories days with continued increasing exercise, or I just give up on live, give into the foodie, and eat myself to death the way so many people in our culture do. I did play softball today. Poorly. The team did not seem to want to be there and my lack of sleep affected my leadership and ability to see the ball.
It is time for sleep, I hope I find some.
Alone can be so futile sometimes.
Take care of each other.
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