do i really want to die?

i live like i don't care if i live or die, but do i really want to die?... i don't think so and yet, here i am living a sedentary life eating more fats and sugars and salts and other stuff than is healthy and not doing any exercise at all (since softball season is on hiatus this month) and everything i think i know about living says this is not the way to prolong the life process in this body... it's a puzzling dichotomy, an living breathing physical oxymoron...

maybe i will start living better again tomorrow... or next month...

still i find reasons to smile :)

sigh...