double vision

not as fun as i might have thought... the eyes will not naturally, without a lot of conscious effort, line up bilaterally to give the brain one image to process... i see two images and either select one eye to follow or consciously must force both eyes to line up to provide a clear single image... it is easier to do ten or more feet away than it is a foot or few away so typing and reading the computer screen is a moment to moment challenge... this does not bode well for work tomorrow and this week as without the pain med the foot pain was seriously distracting...

more pain

mine is not to know just why, mine is just to feel this pain increasing daily to a point where i caved into my resistance to using drugs (mostly because the drugs i would choose are not what the medical profession offers and i believe the drugs the medical profession offers are usually not good for my body... like the hydrocodone with acetaminophen this woman (receptionist, perhaps nurse, but i doubt it) called into a pharmacy on the authorization of a physician's assistant who misread my xrays and didn't really examine my foot, which, as i've been reading, is par for the course for ankle injuries... i will call the doctor's office and ask to move my two-week follow-up appointment up a week on monday...

maybe taking four 325mg aspirins masked the pain (one reason i do not like )so well i did not take it seriously enough to insist on seeing a doctor right away cuz i was basically putting pressure on the heel in and out of the boot and gently manipulating the ankle and foot to reduce swelling, increase circulation, and expedite healing on my own since the pa said nothing was seriously wrong and i should start moving and walking on it when i could without pain...

yesterday around noon i stopped the aspirins mostly because nsaids raise blood pressure and because i started feeling the slight burn in my stomach that can be a sign of bleeding from too much aspirin... by yesterday evening the foot was more painful than it has been since the first twist/break and it's been getting progressively worse... so i called for meds and my roommate was able to pick up hyrocodone, only the most abused narcotic in this country, without me even being there... 30 tabs, $5, by phone, by proxy...

i took one three hours ago... minimal effect... script says every 4-6 hours... i will take another one in a few... the problem is it is combined with acetaminophen and contrary to modern pop-medical opinions and commercial sales pitches, that is not good for the liver or kidneys and i do not have the best liver or kidneys... so i am forced to take a medication i do not want or take no medication, at least until i see the doctor... hopefully the pain will not continue getting worse... as if i did not know, but next time, no getting triaged, i ask for a doctor and get a doctor... i was just hoping it was not serious and maybe it isn't but this pain is...

puzzling pain

ok, so there are times when i can put full body weight on the heel (as long as i am not moving the rest of the foot) and actually walk a few steps without pain (unless that is just the aspirins, which is all i've been taking so far, about 12 a day until today) and there are times when no matter what, there is throbbing pain - no movement at all, elevated or down (more down), throbbing totally distracting pain...

and then there is the boot... at times the boot immobilization-by-pressure reduces the pain and allows me to walk a few steps with out crutches or support without pain, but after a while for some reason (reducing circulation or overheating perhaps), the same totally distracting pain... and then taking off the boot and pressing the foot gently on the floor (stimulating circulation and muscle movement) feels much better after hurting at first... so maybe it does have something to do with temperature, too chilled and there is pain with every twitch so immobilization is needed... or perhaps it's just too many twitches... too warm and/or too little movement (immobilized in the boot) and evelated too long (limited circulation) and there is pain... must find a balance...

of course it could just be the meds... more aspirins... call doctor tomorrow for something stronger since aspirins are going to eat my stomach... of course something stronger might eat my liver and kidneys just as much... the body is not happy... how are you?...

damn the pain, full speed ahead

ok, so not quite full speed... in fact, not even a slow walk... still at a very wobbly hobble, actually, but we definitely have damn the pain right... the ten steps to the bathroom turn into twenty mini-hops on the crutches, each way, followed by a half hour of throbbing until the foot returns to it's semi-numb, semi-on fire state... then there are the rest of the muscles starting to ache because they are compensating for the foot... and then there are stiffness aches in the legs from lack of movement... and did i mention the stomach ache from the too many aspirins?... sheesh, how about the headache from, who knows what?... and i probably should eat some prunes soon too, daily, even...

i am so not having fun...

ok, so this is the most challenging challenge the body has had in quite some time... i never had a leg/foot injury before (though there was the hamstring a few years ago, but i continued playing softball with that one, just hobbled along until it got better... ankles appear to be much more necessary for ambulation), considering i've been running and playing ball for so many years, a lifetime... still, a lifetime of no injuries doesn't make this one hurt less and definitely does not make getting around any easier... not sure how i am getting to work and from the car to my office (and back) tomorrow, but it's the plan...

ankle results

ok, the results are in, sort of... i saw sort of because the x-rays were read by a PA, not an MD or orthopedist or radiologist, and there is obvious broken fragments on the x-ray that the PA says were old... there was no pain prior, so how can it be old... i think he assumed i am like most people my age, sedentary, and would not notice...

so i have a bad sprain, either a grade 2 or 3 (can't tell until the swelling goes down and it really doesn't matter cuz the only difference in treatment is the grade 3 hurts more and takes longer to heal... grade 2 is a partial tear in the ligaments holding the ankle together and a grade three is a complete tear, the latter needing more support (cast/boot) for longer... and as i mentioned above, there are also a couple of bone chips off the bottom tip of the tibia... same treatment, immobilize... of course rich people and pro athletes would have had surgery already and be re-habed in a couple of weeks... i hope to be not much longer than that cuz i am too stubborn to sit for long and i want to get back to playing softball and running, but realistically i may be wearing this expensive boot for a few weeks (everybody says longer, i say wait and see)...

the swelling may have finally stopped, maybe, except when i walk on it or stand a while... driving a clutch in a boot is gonna be interesting tomorrow... life goes on, especially work...

sucks and hurts a lot, but sucks more... i have five softball teams scrambling for a pitcher now and i lose the time and factor in body age, that sucks sucks sucks more... stupid new reebok sneaker (poor support, slightly off-center base) and a wet poorly groomed surface caused it, but then, i chose to put that sneaker on and run recklessly on the wet surface...

sucks sucks sucks...

:}

so how's your body? :)

too much information

the internet provides way too much information... so yesterday i was aching and concerned, but taking my time and icing and elevating and monitoring... that's pretty much 90% of what a doctor will do, having worked emergency rooms where i treated many sprained ankles and lots of other much more serious injuries... and then i start refreshing my memory and and reading... and reading... and reading... and reading... and reading... and reading... and reading... and reading... and reading... and reading... and reading... and reading... and maybe too much reading... so today there is no weight on the ankle at all and i am considering the doctor tomorrow... but i don't want to go to the doctor... if i even had one... it's not a fear of doctors, it's the black hole money pit that is the medical system i do not want to enter... so now i am torn... i mean, how could the ankle or foot be broken if i played a game and a half, pitching, running to first a few times, and walking around for more than two hours after twisting the ankle?... makes no sense... it's just the swelling and aftermath pain of a grade 1 sprain, right?... or a grade two, but that would be a longer healing time and i don't want that... no more, please...

ok, in the morning i will consider if a trip to a doctor is worth it... body thoughts suck sometimes...

did i just break my ankle?

well, that was the initial body thought after turning the ankle about 90 degrees thanks to a crappy field condition while running to first... a slippery spot just before reaching first base is about as stupid as grounds keeping can get, but stupider is running into it just to try to beat out a ground ball... so i played the rest of the game with increasing pain and then played the second game of the double header and had to run to first every time i was up cuz my swing was way off cuz i could not put pressure on my left foot... pitching wasn't easy either since, well, most things in sports require two feet for planting, pivoting, and pushing off... so i played on one foot as much as possible...

i did not play in the third game scheduled for three hours later, and the foot does not want to be walked on at all now, five hours after that... major swelling and pain... i will decided whether i want to spend money on doctors and xrays tomorrow... i've seen enough ankle sprains to know they can be even more painful and visually gruesome than a foot bone break, but i wanna play friday so it better get well fast...

yeah, but i don't just vege ya know

i mean, just to be fair and balanced in this record of the body experience (the body wants more, but it is honest too), and the body tells me that i do more than vege... i play softball several times a week most weeks throughout the year and i don't jog, i run the bases and feel the burn and want more... i wish i could play every day cuz i love the game and when i play double headers i want to play a third every time, even when i am tired... and i love running 5Ks when i sign up for them, but i do not sign up nearly enough... i love tennis, racquetball, and basketball when jackson or someone has time to play... so the fair and balanced record is that i am more active, a lot more active than the average person, especially when we look at average ages and demographics and all... still, not nearly enough exercise to satisfy me or keep the body in the condition most comfortable so all this fair and balanced crap is bull... but at least it's part of the record, aye?... posterity, ya know?...

and the body says... more exercise please :}

it is too easy to vege

especially when the love of writing draws me to sit for hours at the laptop tapping the keys, but not only that, the SPAM volume and internet distractions can take so much time away from active activities (as i spend an hour deleting emails tonight as i type these words realizing how much pigging out i have done lately and how work gets in the way of good rest, good sleep, and good exercise even more than the writing or distractions or laziness does, alas, the world is set up to kill us before we truly get to live and long before we have to die, probably because human beings would not be able to live peacefully given too much free time, at least not at our current evolutionary state, alas, alack, cha cha cha)...

perhaps i will survive the year and change my ways before it is too late...

there is always hope :}