pushing the foot

getting a little better every day as long as i keep the boot on when i am walking, but more walking than i want to do cuz work is so busy... healing continues... top ligaments and plantar fascia still swelling after walking... the plantar fascia remains a throbbing knot after walking... the fracture stings a little after walking... some muscle burn achilles and others... more skin itching... still didn't get a minute to call the doctor for a rescheduled appointment... must make time tomorrow... so tired... must get the rest...

potty training

the human body is really built inconveniently... i refer to the physical need to empty the bladder daily, usually a few times a day or more even if the choice is to drink a healthy amount of fluid, and empty the bowels more or less daily... everything in our modern culture is built around toilets, bathrooms, rest rooms, water closets, lavatories, johns, or whatever we choose to call the place we leave our excrements... imagine a life without having to poop and pee and wipe and wash every few hours or clean the bathroom, for that matter... these are some thoughts that being immobile have inspired lately as every trip to the bathroom is a painful chore...

healing a plantar fascia rupture

the plantar fascia rupture is going to be the biggest challenge and obstacle between me and getting back on the road running and playing softball and racketball and tennis and basketball and any other activity generally requiring two healthy feet... resting the foot after walking on it around the apartment, just to the kitchen and back a few times cooking and to the bathroom to shower and turning around in the shower a few times and walking happiness out to the lawn, maybe a hundred or so steps of varying pressure (only a few dozen full weight in and out the shower)... and now feeling the plantar fascia swelling and throbbing is diminishing after two hours of sitting here elevated... so the pattern appears to be it becomes inflamed and swells after walking, less so with the boot on (about half the time) so it must have more to do with the flexing of the ligament than with the lack of elevation and what i need to know is whether flexing the plantar fascia is a positive step or a negative step in the healing process... consult the doctor this week...

and how are your feet today? :)

was good for a while

and then, i hopped around a bit cooking dinner and cleaning up... maybe the mistake was not wearing the boot because not the plantar fascia is aching throbbing and curling the foot oddly and i probably should wear the boot or a splint more often to maintain the natural arch or something like that... there must be something other than the full boot for this... alas, i wish i didn't miss the doctor's appointment... and i wish the doctor's office called me back like they said they would friday...and i wish this foot would heal already... anyway, there is improvement and maybe this is the healing process for a plantar fascia rupture... think healing thoughts...think healing thoughts...think healing thoughts...

twinges of my left foot

dangit be careful with me, i am delicate, fragile, sensitive... or is it the other way around?... listen to me, as you wake in the middle of the night because the bladder demands emptying, don't forget you are not supposed to put weight on me (these are the twinges of my left foot) or i will recreate the pain that sent you to the doctor weeks ago and keeps me in a boot now almost five weeks later... not to mention the broken sleep patterns... if you want me to heal, don't tread on me (even if you don't get all the references)...

hoping for better

did the good thing, working hard for the cure, or healing, or something like that... walking way more the past two days than in the previous almost five weeks and while there is throbbing numbness and some swelling and sharp pains now and then, i feel good about the healing this week... could that be partly due to the supplements?... flax oil, walnuts, and the usual vitamins and lean protein... so optimism shines through tonight... hopefully throughout the weekend... time will tell... it is likely that i will too...

stop it, life

well, to be more precised, it's stop it, worklife cuz the worklife is killing the foot... the most challenging day yet thanks to problems ignored... i am the clean up guy, but today there were a few messes i simply could not clean up and the foot had nothing to do with it... on my feet much much more than any day since the ouch started and exhaustion almost overrides the numb bomb set to go off when i remove the boot tonight... maybe i will fall asleep first... and somehow i must feel up to a shower tonight or early tomorrow morning... and i may miss the doctor's appointment in the morning if it was tomorrow morning cuz i complete forgot which day the appointment is and i did not get a reminder this time and the work from today spilled over so i must be there to hold hands in the morning... dang foot doesn't like the idea... but whatever, all i can do is rest rest rest... right, whatever...

this week is the best yet for the foot, though it still hurts too much to put full pressure on it and i still cannot move the foot without major pain (signs of the ligament damage)... the plantar facia is almost definitely ruptured, which is not good news... i hope the last four and a half weeks didn't slow the healing process or do more damage, but probably not... i did the damage myself by playing another game and a half, pitching, batting, and running on the foot... dummy... not going to the doctor right away, accepting a PA's diagnosis after telling the PA what i did (continued playing for a while) lead the PA to misdiagnose on multiple levels... alas, the bottom line is i immobilized the foot and have not walked on it since getting the boot two days after the injury, which is right treatment for a ruptured pf (hey, i wonder if that's where pf flyers got their name), so maybe no excess damage done...

still hurts and takes a long time to heal...

the continued swelling makes sense too... and the top of the foot ligaments are definitely torn too and the same treatment, immobilization, so again, just time, time time... and we already have the diagnosis of the fracture of the base of the tibia, so that stinging pain now and then there shouldn't surprise me... i've got to figure out how to speed up the ligament damage though... linseed (flax)... and rest... dangit...

improvement

yeah, i have been fooled by improvement before so i am not jumping up and down with excitement... yeah, i noticed my choice of words and weak attempt at humor... the good news is that the foot is not throbbing as painful in the evening and i did not elevate as much today and i am not hurting as much when i out a little pressure on it, though very little... healing might actually be happening... a little... there is still throbbing though... and the calf and achilles tendon atrophy is starting to hurt a bit more... and the swelling returns when i stand or lower the foot, but not as much, i think... but maybe... stay positive... so maybe i am crossing over the halfway point (that's depressing from a time line perspective) and... one day at a time...

much better without the walking

though i didn't eat anything but nuts today... i can afford to lose weight, but the foot needs protein and balance... taking vitamins and a few supplements... out of walnuts though and fish oil doesn't have the right fatty acid and the omega-3 hasn't arrived yet... and i still have the weeks work clothes in the laundry in the dryer... and i didn't take a shower... but the foot is much better when i do not walk on it and when i do not try to hop around the house a lot... the healing continues... minimal swelling too... the diagnosis is confirmed more with each passing day... no rhoids, that's good news... wish there was something other than rest and wait i can do... even exercising other body parts makes the foot hurt more as the blood pressure and pulse rising makes it throb and it is not easy to not move the foot muscles at all when trying to push other muscles no matter what the exercise... dealing with the frustration and impatience as well as i am able... writing it out helps... and that's the body thoughts for today...

again, too much walking

just around the house, dangit... too much pressure on the foot and the pain is clearer than ever... bottom of the tibia where the fracture is... and the plantar fascia is definitely ruptured... and the top of the midfoot pain remain pointing to a stable lisfranc injury, non-displaced since they saw no bone fractures or displacements, some of the ligaments must be torn... and the only cure is staying off the foot and letting the ligaments heal and that can take months... so all the attempted walking i am doing is not helping... that is not good news (should i wait for a doctor to tell me or just be intelligent)...

who am i asking, anyway?

water not boarding

so as i was saying (elsewhere), i miss daily showers... and i don't remember often enough, but as a kid and teen and young adult i would take at least two showers a day, often more... hot steamy showers and icy cold showers... water, especially hot steamy shower water, was one of my best friends... for the skin stimulation and for the manipulation of body temperature... it was meditation, exercise, all sorts of other intangibles and reminded me of how focused i can be in the physical world when i wanted to be... saunas and hot tubs and icy pools took the place of showers for a while, but these days, sigh, alas, sigh...

it has been some time since i had that cuz the hot water here is maybe 110 degrees, maybe less or a little more cuz i can turn on all hot and step into it, slowly, but still don't need to gradually raise the temp as i did when i was younger and even after standing under the all hot for ten minutes the skin is not even close the bright red almost burn that i used to push to back then... but at least i still take daily showers... most days...

i have been skipping a day or even two in showers cuz of the foot and finally took a shower and though the foot misses the boot and is more swollen and throbbing (though not as bad as it has been, though that could be the aspirins too), the clean feels so good... so very good...

i have forgotten the face of my father (metaphorically speaking as i never knew my father, but that's another story)... i hope i remember to take advantage of both feet when they are both working again... i don't have to live like a refugee, after all :)

physical focus

everything is so very physical, the body, that is, self-focused, distracted, it is a real pain in the neck... no really, i mean the pain in the neck is very distracting... and some headaches and here i go wondering again if it is posture (the reminder from my youth to get the spine and therein my head straight was the stiff neck, after all) or maybe the blood pressure is playing some role and leaving me what may rudely be called a sophie's choice (as if anything can be that bad), die from high blood pressure or die from the medications the medical profession use to try to control high blood pressure...

and then there's the foot... rough day, but hopefully still healing... more hopefully healing right and not getting permanently damaged by the walking i have to do... some of the people at work are amazing in their lack of compassion and unwillingness to help as they watch me struggle to carry papers or hold open doors while on crutches... tomorrow should be fun as i have a few hours of meetings with the most inconsiderate folk of all who enjoy pouncing on weakness and making others feel like crap, what a life... luckily they don't affect me much anymore, but the foot won't make it any easier...

there are body thoughts?... well, sorta... heal already, dammit! :}

too much walking

especially too much walking without the boot... happiness just woke me again to go outside... so much for sleeping in and getting the rest the foot needs... frustrated... i just don't feel like going through the whole process of putting on a sock (which is painful and i've got to wash socks today) and then putting on the boot just to go to the bathroom, kitchen, or the lawn for happiness... but a dozen trips to the kitchen, a half dozen trips to the bathroom, and a half dozen trips to the lawn have taken a toll... i didn't even get into the shower or do laundry and have to find the foot strength for both, dangit... i love him, but happiness was challenging and took more foot than intended... he just doesn't wait, bolts out the door (gave me a couple of painful rope burns earlier this year) and can pull me over if i am not ready and really stable on the crutches and this morning he caught me off guard and pulled the leash out of my hands before i could negotiate the newspaper sitting right in the doorway... he can also get out of his collar... i had to yell at him to come back and i definitely put too much pressure on the foot... i feel bad cuz he needs exercisse... but the foot... hopefully it's not too much of a set back for the foot... the extreme throbbing is back, as is swelling... the pain has been a lot worse though... it just hurts a lot, not the max extreme... but enough to want no more walking on it today... still need to shower and do laundry and eat though, so maybe for a six or eight hour, at least though... if i take happiness out again i'll put on a dirty sock and the boot... need more sleep but happiness and the foot say no... alas, the weekend was supposed to be rest...

stay positive

left the boot off all day and no extreme pain... put pressure on the foot, mostly the outside and heel, for at least a hundred baby steps today and no extreme pain... elevated most of the time sitting, but when the foot is lowered, no extreme throbbing or pain... still pain, still throbbing, but the extreme i am not getting up anymore pain has not returned today... three weeks...

the bones may be knitting, but more importantly, the muscles, tendons, and ligaments that were damaged may finally be healing enough to no send the extreme pain signals at the slightest moment, at even the change in blood pressure... not moving the foot though, movement still shoots seering pain through the damaged areas... and the swelling still comes and goes... but staying positive with the progress... definitely progress...

skipping, days, that is

definitely not skipping yet, but... though (drumroll) i did actually walk a few steps without crutches with the boot on snug... no screaming pain, no screaming throbbing afterwards... just numb throbbing, which is hopefully an improvement... the roller coaster of a day better and the next day worse has been rolling for almost three full weeks now, but hope springs eternal that this better will be the turning point where the better days start outnumbering the worse days... a weekend of rest and major improvement, we hope... i mean, you hope too, right? (no really, thanks for caring :)

yeah, so i skipped yesterday... the doctor visit and all, nothing important for the body to talk about, right?... ok, ok, so the ortho-surgeon agreed with me the the pa mis-read the xray and the fracture at thebottom of the tibia is new... the treatment doesn't change, just take more care walking and moving the ankle... meanwhile, the foot is torn up... most likely exactly what the books told me, but the only way to try to be more certain is to mri and catscan and that's way expensive and won't change the treatment cuz elective surgery is even more expensive (and not covered at all by insurance) so i passed on the magnets and more xrays for now... if there is no improvement in ten days, i will reconsider...

the foot saga goes on :}

freeeek dang dodo foot

hey, it's more creative and for me, more expressive than fucking foot, but it's along the same lines, i suppose... the pain in the front of the arch, just behind the ball, that's the puzzler... bone that didn't show up well on the xray?... ligaments?... something applied a lot of pressure on the arch of the sneaker i was wearing... thought it might have been a sudden hematoma or hemorrhage ... so i got to reading to refresh my memory of the names of the stuff in the foot... i may have torn the flexor hallucis longus at the sesamoid bone at the first metatarsal phalangeal joint... also the anterior talo-fibular ligament... and the birfucated ligament... maybe the extensor digitorium longus... so the primary pain is at the plantar first metatarsal phalangeal and dorsal fourth metatarsal phalangeal and the general are of the talonavicular joint... tomorrow i find out what the doctor has to say...

guess my foot can say a mouthful, huh?...

good days, bad days

whatever good and bad might mean... tolerable pain, totally distracting pain, there's a better title... so i recall feeling optimistic some time late on sunday after resting the entire weekend and then after laying down, there was an increase in the pain enough to keep me awake, but somehow i fell asleep and then yesterday it was moderate most of the day and then, swelling returned when i got home and pain rose enough after dark for me to still be awake after midnight and i reached for aspirins somewhere later and woke every hour... works then kept me on my feet way more than any day since the injury, so the foot is puffing up and kinda throbbing numb... hopefully it doesn't lose it's numb too soon... dang foot...

never a straight line

life, that is... and healing too... for most of the day i felt really good about the healing as i was able to shower and cook (re-heat, but still hopping around for longer than i have in two weeks, and after showering in the morning, no less... and then i napped an hour and woke about an hour ago and stood up to hop to the bathroom and the foot said no... the rush of blood to the foot was back to the seering throbbing pain that it has been since the twist and so, i stayed here... maybe it is just an adjustment i did not make that i made the previous times. putting the foot down and letting the blood flow into it and massaging a bit and letting it get used to the blood flow and maybe it'll be better if i did that... i will try that later perhaps... it could also be that the aspirins are wearing off more and the unmasked pain remains, which would suggest more injury than the pa diagnosed, which would be frustrating especially since i am the one choosing to wait the sixteen days before actually seeing the doctor... shhhhh, one day (and step) at a time... i shall attempt movement now...

and some improvement, but still no way i am putting any weight on it... i messed this foot up good it seems... screw me... the swelling is still not gone (nor is the bruising which covers the whole foot, top and bottom), and the hot spots at the ball, the outside, and the outside connection between the ankle and foot... major pain trying to move or apply pressure in those three spots... the skin on the foot is getting better thanks to the cortisone cream i put on it before sticking it in the boot for a few days... other body parts are starting to complain as well, the hands and underarms from the crutches... the butt from sitting on it (needed to put some cortisone on the butt, yeah, diaper rash without a diaper... sitting on the butt too much and skipping showers... tmi?... hey, this is body thoughts, get used to it cuz the body is only going to continue deteriorating until it dies, that's life)... i wonder if the cortisone will affect the foot or any other part of me... maybe i'll look it up...

not so much fancy free

a bit less pain to start this weekend when compared to last weekend considering i think the last aspirins i took may have been thursday evening but may have been friday mid-day too, it is now at least 24 hours and pushed a bit last night and i just showered (which is a major push and challenge on one foot and requires at least some support from the other foot, even it is just 10% weight bearing for brief moments as i pivot and get in and out of the tub... now there is the benefit of the flat bottom walk-in shower stall, aye?... though most are slippery-er and i'd probably use a towel on the floor which would tangle up as i turned pivoting on one foot and, well, i am making due with a tub so nevermind) and the good foot is aching a bit (ever try standing on one foot, hopping, pivoting on a slippery surface, and walking for half an hour or longer without sitting to rest?... thank goodness i don't have vertigo... go ahead try it for five minutes and see what i mean... don't forget the pivoting and hopping, at least a dozen of each, i mean, just to get a brief feel of the experience cuz you are an insatiably curious child and really want to know which is why you follow me around through all these many dozens of blog, right?... or is that me? :)

anyway, gonna rest a bit now before dressing and considering what to do this weekend... hope your body is enjoying your weekend more than mine, but whatever you do, make it fun too :)

footless

kinda wish i was tonight... not really, but... ok, so i have not moved the foot since the last entry and feeling all isolated and lonely with nobody to talk to tonight and feeling all lame cuz the foot really hurt the last time i moved it and sitting here is getting more challenging cuz the bladder wants to empty and you really wanted to know all this, right?... body thoughts, remember?...

yeah, well ok, so i paused a moment and stood up and grabbed the crutches and took a half a step and nope, not walking any more tonight... sitting immobile again... neck stiff... ear ringing... stomach grumbling... hungry, achy, tired in so many ways, lonely, no wonder people give up and die in these bodies... life gets so old when nobody wants to come out to play anymore...

i'd rather be dancing...

when the first stop is here

it's either very good or... seriously not good... the foot is throbbing enough to immobilize me... here i shall sit until morning, pee bottle next to the chair... work had to be done... it was a very good day, amazing if you know, but not so much for the foot... today was a day that tested the foot seriously, i put more weight on it than i have since the day of the injury, walked more since the day of the injury (and it wasn't that much) and the swelling and pain is back with a vengeance now that i finally put it up... more aspirins please... sheesh...

freakin foot

i gave in and took four aspirins some time during the late morning because i was not gonna work well without them cuz of the distraction... and now i am not sleeping at the moment because of the same distraction... about 80 hours without any pain medication tells me the injury is more foot than ankle and it will not be healing in a week or two, dammit... i did not move the doctor's appointment up, even if i should have, and am still taking it day by day... it does not appear to be getting worse... the swelling is way down, though still present throughout the foot and ankle and a bit of the lower leg... the pain is localized (when off pain meds) to the outer (anterior) center foot (bone or connective tissue) and the outer (left front) foot/ankle connection (connective tissue) the rear right space in front of the heel (two chips off the tibia) and just behind the ball (bone or soft tissue, i had immediate bubble swelling there after the twist so i either popped a blood vessel or disclocated a foot bone, either way it seems the pressure of continuing to run on the foot for another hour and a half after the injury reset or pressed out the bubble)... also dealing with more muscle cramping aching from the inactivity and the redistribution of muscle use...

feel free to sympathize and if you are a really tolerant understanding infinitely patient nurse, feel free to come over and wipe my brow now and then... an occasional hug/cuddle wouldn't hurt much either...

sheeesh...

foot on the brain

so i am pretty certain it is a foot injury as the ankle is a little sore, but the foot in a couple of spots rages burns and stabs quite severely enough to prevent sleep and walking... i got home today and was able to move around enough to take happiness out to the front lawn for a pee and get food from the fridge... after sitting and eating, the throbbing began again... movement helps, but it does not stop the stabbing pain in one spot in particular and when the throbbing starts it is two or three spots consistently, so whatever damage was done was specific to those spots...

also some muscle cramping after i got home... from walking very differently perhaps... and possible from pain drug withdrawals (just daily aspirins and three hydrocodone tabs, so maybe not)... or perhaps it's diet as i did not eat or drink all day... need to figure out how to get food and drink to the office... very challenging to deal with a leg cramp when foot immobility is vital to lowering pain... swelling is down a lot, wish the pain was...

just updating in case i forget, perhaps, or maybe posterity will want to know... just disclaiming in case someone actually reads this and wonders why... just wondering why myself... just a little lonely tonight i guess... focus is weak... foot on the brain is very distracting... foot pain is very isolating...

hello? :}