belly bloat

yeah, again, the belly bloat was quite noticeable as i tried to swing the bat at softball today as my arms felt like lead weights and my belly taunted my back and so i barely swung cuz i did not want to strain anything further than already strained by the belly bloat and while pitching went fine, i must reduce the belly bloat and strengthen my core and upper body if i want to actually hit with any consitency and reasonable power... so says the body, core, torso, and arms especially... we did win both games and i walked twice and would have walked a third time if i wanted to but the last time up we were up something like 19-3 so i just swung at a bad pitch with a 3-1 count and lined the ball at the second baseman who dropped it but the runner on first did not run and therefore was tagged out... shows up late, misses the first game, complains all game, and no hustle, but i didn't say anything to her as we won big... my focus remains on the belly bloat s it should... tomorrow...

gym two

so wise or not, i am not in the second night of going to the gym in the middle of the night instead of going back to sleep after waking from my approximately four hour name in the living room chair and while i hope i am not waking jackson or happiness and i hope i am not in the way nodding off in the living room and i do not believe i am as she sleeps with a fan on and goes to bed early i still must go with this recently rather sudden remotivation to exercise again and if i focus on anything else i might distract myself and let the laziness take the wheel and so i continue, i hope, and eat more earlier and less later and hope...

almost attraction, bloat, drag, habits, lam, lonely, muscle burn, pathetic, plea, pushing, ridiculoso, sensuality, smile, stupid, survive, waste, but not quite, aye?...

tired much? :)

had a moment

yes, a brief moment of clarity the other night when i skipped dinner and went to bed right after work and slept twelve hours and felt the weight of the bloat almost left and then, got home the second night and bloated up again... one of these days, change the pattern (before death to i part, aye?)...

stop the stupid, k? :}


.

P.S... and an hour later, i found myself coming home from the gym to write this update... the bloat and flab is large, but i did move again, treadmill and elliptical... now if i just keep that up for the next three hundred nights, at least... five hundred nights would be better... join me? :)

almost every week

or so it seems... the story continues even when i am writing in retrospect from memory or fantasy or fictional prophesy... it only hurts when i laugh... or move... or sit still too long... and isn't that what i have been doing for years now?... or at least months?... mostly every day?... and that is time...