more bloat

as if suicide is painless and the bloat did not keep me lonely because i will not lay with one as pathetically self-abusive as myself, i eat another plate at yet another all-you-can-eat buffet... waiting for someone to save me or waiting to die, whichever comes first... of course i can save myself, but just once i'd like to let someone else do it cuz i've never known what that felt like...

what happens when i run out of candles?

off in Nashville for work for a few days, the body loved the clean soft comfy private environment of the two room suite and most of all, the clean lack of clutter (the body lives in a messy cluttered obstacle course at home, mostly because searching for a new roommate is a pain)... very little sleep as wake up calls came at 6am and the brain is a night owl, in case you did not know that... yesterday a nap, but stayed up all night and then went to play softball this morning and just returned... concert in a few hours... body tired... feels good, but still tired and ridiculously out of shape... the hamstring is improving and trotting is happening, but no runing yet... maybe the gym?...

yes, still burning candles at both ends and the middle...

suicide comes in many flavours

maybe it's loneliness... maybe it's self-pity... maybe it's boredom... maybe it's self-destruction... maybe it's just giving up on people and therein, giving up on self... maybe it's fear of intimacy... maybe it's that insatiable tongue covered with insatiable taste buds that crave more and more of the ever changing myriad of flavours that entice and produce drugs, yes, drugs that stimulate, vigorate, titillate, and catalate all sorts of feel-good chemicals in the brain...

naaaa, wouldn't be that...

piggish complacency

there seems no end to this madness of piggish complacency, the oral fixation seduces me again and again and and taste bud orgasms multiply and the waistline expands, four inches, five inches, will there be no end to this growth?... will the body survive?... which will win, gluttony or death or some motivation to remember how good the body can feel when it is at it's peak condition?... the questions pass the time... the hands pass the cookies to the mouth... and laughter seems sick, yet it comes anyway...