solitary determination

well, i grew tired of looking outside of myself for inspiration to exercise (all along i had been hoping that living with someone in a body that is more than two decades younger than the body i inhabit would inspire me to be more active and exercise more but she works so much she rarely has time or energy and now has a relationship taking even more of her time lately so i hardly see her... maybe i needed someone three decades younger, or four, even lol...

everybody gets so old so fast in this life (ah, who gets my humor? :)

the foot, by the way, is doing fine... wrapped good and tight, no pain in the foot or the leg muscles... reasonable strain in both calf and abdominal muscles (sadly, signs of atrophy and aging are evident all over the dang body... alas, dissatisfaction keeps me alone, physically (can you hear my body sigh?)... somehow, i must find someone to laugh with me... preferably as we make love...

ok, back to the immediate physical reality... so i jog/walked another 5k tonight and i realized how much backsliding i have been doing living outside of myself so much so whatever, there are no excuses outside of myself and here are the numbers...

ten laps... 3:34.0 4:14.3, 4:16.7, 4:17.9, 4:18.8, 4:43.6, 4:39.8, 4:54.4, 4:26.8, 4:07.7... 43:34.0 total time... an approximate 5k, possible a bit longer, but close enough to let me consistently call it a 5k... and after a full day at work and being awake 14 hours... not too bad, but shamefully pitiful compared to what i know the body can do it it is not wasted away... so what will i do now... rest... the more important questions is what will i do tomorrow...

i did not have running partners as a kid... or a teen,... or a young adult... i was a solitary runner... love and the desire for a relationship was an inspiration, but it was just me out on the road day after day, mile after mile... it was loving the feeling of the high during the run and loving the feeling of fitness and awareness after and between the runs... so is the solitary determination that drove me to run a 2:40 marathon (that is 2 hours and 40 minutes) once and sub 3 hour marathons more than a dozen times return before it is time to die?... will the solitary determination that drove me to run a 4:40 mile (that's four minutes and 40 seconds) once and many sub five minute miles and routine sub 6 minute miles return?... routinely running 15 miles in 89:54 minutes (that's 89 minutes, 54 seconds - averaging sub 6 minute miles for 15 miles)?... and 60 or more miles a week...

mostly those are just memories now, not realistic goals considering the years of backsliding i've allowed this body to do... a few years ago, maybe five, i run/jogged eight miles in just under ninety minutes... but can i, on just my solitary determination, return to consistently running again, not just jog/walking, without dying first?...

one step at a time...

5K times

the 5K may become the measure i use for improvement now... years ago it was mile times, one mile, two miles, three miles, all the way up to 15 miles and then a marathon... the fact that the 5K is a popular timed public run these days allows me to get out with other runners and get timed and the fact that 10 times around my apartment community is just over 5K makes 5K the easiest distance to time and measure...

it would help if i didn't accidentally reset the stopwatch as i cross the halfway mark... i did make the first half in under 20 though, i won't claim 19 cuz i reset it, but i can fairly claim 19:30... and the second half in 21:45 makes this a 5K in under 42 minutes... i will do an under 40 minute 5K this year... in fact, i may shoot for an under 35 minute 5K if i actually get my ass in gear...

i sort of committed to under 180 pounds by 2012 too... better get to it, aye?...

gym log

12/27 day, 42 ellip (elp), just under 3m(min), 12m 1st(mile)
12/27 eve, 42 ellip, under 12m 1st, 24, 2nd, 38m 3rd
12/29 eve, 22 elp,11m 1st,21m 2nd,4station 3x10rep(40/40/105/105)
1/1 day, 22 elp, 9:50 1st, 20 2nd, 4stat 3x10rep, (60/60/120/120)

yay, now just continue...