Head Colds Suck

The primary reason head colds suck is the fatigue that comes from lack of sleep, combined with the longevity, the weeks that the lack of sleep can last. Just when the body needs sleep most to to give the immune system the best chance to fight the cold bacteria or virus, sleep is scarce because laying down creates a post nasal drip that creates a cough that wakes the body. Sleeping sitting up, for this body, is painful as the anus does not deal with the constant pressure well, which leads to other painful conditions. So here I sit, uncomfortable and awake, when all the body really needs is sleep. Head colds suck.

S, M, T, W, F

This entry was meant to record the first steps in the new elliptical, but the recording motivation in the brain is not recording, or motivated to record, with any meaningful details beyond what follows. I believe I got on the elliptical for one mile each of the five days noted by the letters in the title in the first week of ownership. I've not explored the features of the machine in enough detail to have it save or transmit the data, but memory is the mile times were approximately...

I recall between 16 and 17 minutes, 16 minutes, 15:59 minutes:seconds, between 18 and 19 minutes, and about 18 minutes, respectively, for the first five sessions/days for each mile. The level of resistance apparently affects the speed/mile time, as the first day was the highest level of resistance, starting at 10, dropping to 5 after a few minutes, then to 2 for about a quarter mile, then 1 for the rest. On the fifth day, muscle and general fatigue (sleep was poor this week for several reasons) reduced the levels to 2 for the first minutes and 1 for the rest. I am not sure why resistance affects distance and time, when the rpms remain the same, or if it did, as stride length also changed from 24" for he first few days to 21 inches for the last two, with 20 inches for much of the last day.

Heart rate was so variable that I'd consider the numbers unreliable, as one day it registered a maximum rate of 186 and I honestly don't think that was accurate. I have not started using the bluetooth chest transmitter yet, which will hopefully provide a much more consistent and accurate heart rate. All five days were manual mode, as I do not want to push the body with machine-lead workouts until I am in much better shape, because I am in the worst condition I can ever recall being in and I am seeing the worst/slowest improvement I ever recall experiencing.

Both muscle fatigue and stamina have me close to maxing out at one mile, under 20 minutes, and I do not feel ready to push for 30 minutes, no less 60 minutes, which was they baseline workout up until this year. Weight, age, entropy, atrophy, and time away from workouts all combine to start this phase of working out at the lowest baseline ever.

Then there is the relatively constant post nasal drip, possibly due to allergies, more likely due to the immune system fighting a bacterial or viral infection. The post nasal drip is creating congestion and coughing, both of which create breathing challenges and even worse, sleeping challenges, hence sleep has been poor, as I previous mentioned. Poor sleep exacerbates the fatigue and reduces the recovery.

So there is the first record for the first week of living with the elliptical.

At least it is being used.

Continue...

It's Here

Or Not

Another pig-out weekend helped along by social eating, right here at home, no less. Yes, TA and I do share a love of food and we both put on 20-30 pounds in the past few months, at least. Body thoughts, not to mention food thoughts, seem to be dominating the daily blog lately. Last gasps of the self-indulgent madness? Four days to the elliptical, after all.

I wonder what will happen then lol.

Laughing is sad,

Narf.

Ignore The Challeges

Magnum ice cream, double stuffed oreos, fried chicken, gourmet pizza, big bags of chips, I don't even want to look in the fridge or pantry. Life with anther decadent foodie can be seriously challenging for a foodie trying to drop some pounds. Two yogurt and two protein drinks, about 400 calories, that's it. I hope lol. Will power like this has not been around for quite some times, so I don't know how long it will last. The elliptical arrives in eight days.

Be strong.

Please Stop Me Before I Explode

I went to a garden party, bloated. I was not hungry. I got around food, cold bland food, and I got hungry. Way too hungry. Eating until I could barely move is an old habit, a trap I have not fallen into in a long time. Here we are tonight. Ok, so buy the elliptical tomorrow. That's what I said to myself last week. Pity the fool who lies to himself. The best of intentions, that's what should be carved on the tombstone. Work left no time for me at all, not even a drink break, no less lunch or any other break. A phone call ordering something that costs more than $4,000? Not something I want to do without time to focus on the call. I have a doctor waiting for a call back too. Business hours have been for work business only the past few weeks, more than ever.

So where's the cookie?

Yeah, so anyway, the body moves through the days from task to task without pause for maintenance. The toll is poor labs (estimated, as I don't want to visit a doctor in the current medical system, since there are no overt symptoms, just the bloat and my sense that labs are out of whack), weight gain, and stress. The good news is I am writing this entry. These words bring the dietary habits, reduced exercise, and out-of-touch fool into consciousness, which is a big step in the right direction. Awaken, fool, and take care of the body as well as you are taking care of work business.

Cuz nobody else is close enough to be the daily reminder we would like to have. And waiting for proof that someone knows me and cares enough to be that daily reminder is a fool's errand. Cuz all we have is many years of proof that nobody does. Wah wah wah, woe is me, and the poor-me-pity party doesn't help a bit anymore. So share it off fool, nobody cares enough and that's life, it's your choice to live or die and you know what to do either way, s what'll it be?

I hope we choose to live.

Narf :)

Fat Girl on The Left

There are reasons, beyond those, for the return of the chocoholic self-indulgences. Pizza, Meatballs subs, chocolate chip cookies, ice cream (with chocolate fudge and/or chocolate shells, and then some... cheeburger cheeburger, even). The body calmly says "If I got on the scale, I believe I am well past 200, mos likely approaching 220 again." Then it screams.

We shopped for an elliptical machine. We worked more than 70 hours at the office this week, so I did not follow up on the purchase. Rushing a purchase of a few thousand dollars is not wise, especially when the product is meant to be a 20+ year commitment. Still, procrastination plays loudly. We just picked up the phone, but neither the store, nor the manager's number was listed in the phone. I know I called, I just must not have added either as a contact. Self-defeated again.

Wait, we can find the number by looking in out-going calls for the approximate time I called last weekend. There it is. Wait again, the store guy, who was not the manager and had no clue about the equipment, sent me a quote by email (he had to call someone to find out how to do that... I was not impressed, nor was I buying anything through him that day... then, the overly busy week). Then, a sudden search today shows the model I am closest to buying (Tue es300) doesn't even appear here in a top review and advice site (graphic below). The expensive well known brand (Precor) does though, and it is still an option.



I am very glad I did not impulsively call to order the es300 because there is no es300. That is the machine I asked for at the store and the ignorance store clerk sent me a quote for the ps300, a model that does not have one key feature that would have had me unhappily sending it back after delivery and installation. As I learned here, even professional gym store clerks can be quite ignorant. The clerks gross obesity, failure to get up out of his chair, and complete lack of knowledge about the basics of the machines should have been a clue, but he called another store and they sent me the quote. If I could find the elliptical I want at another store, I'd likely choose the other store, but this store has the two brands I've narrowed my search down to, True and Precor. Precor is more expensive and takes up more space, but is the premium gym model. True is not as easy to find.

Back to reassessing machines.

Push to buy soon continues on (thanks Jane) and off (everybody else) though, so soon?

Narf :)

Crossing 200

Again. Not a good feeling. Too much already cooked food in the fridge for a serious fast, so cut back? I can try. A week or two of smaller meals. Fewer snacks, or none. Lasagna, meatloaf, fried chicken, fries, mac and cheese, five kinds of chips, and more. All needs to be eaten or thrown out in the next week, two if I take my chances with spoilage. It wont be easy. Exercise would be wise, but so out of the habit, so out of it. Buying the elliptical has become a joke, alas, and the few people I tell laugh. I don't laugh most of the time, I know how serious it is. I am dying, faster than I should. Because I don't move enough when I move. Yet working 12 hours a day, too much sedentary work. Much change habits. How many times have I been here before?

Who am I asking?

Narf...

Emo Eating and Return of the Burn

It would appear as though my emotional hungers are powerful stuff and can easily dominate this life when I am not distracted by something more healthy or focused on staying aware of optimizing this body or in love (or something like that). Also, the weakness of the rectal tissues appear to be a permanent aspect of life as breaking the routine of laxatives to give the body and digestive system a break from consuming chemicals lead right back to the bleeding and while I appear to have better control of the pain (or is that just scar tissue or dead tissue metastasizing or something?) with menthol-zinc ointment, the daily medicating was never in the plan for this life. So now two medications, on oral and one rectal, are part of my daily routine. BID, even. Sometimes more.

Blah, but still, I run the bases and bounce around in life with too much energy for my age group. I play ball a few times a week and I feel like I'm lazy and don't exercise enough. Now if I only could buy that elliptical...

Motivate!

Good News

Medical, that is. The Cholesterol is 168. Serum Iron is normal, though Hgb is still low. A lifetime of low Hgb and each time I change doctors or go to a specialist they want to do tests and treatments and nothing changes. So I tell them not to do anything and just get to know this body. Eventually they stop needing to see me. So the Nephrologist says come back next year. The Hematologist is still every three months cuz of the low Hgb. The Gastroenterologist hasn't called me in well over a year. I would like someone to check the pains in the right side when I sleep on my right side, but so far I haven't pushed and simply don't sleep on my right side. The tinnitus still rings louder than ever, especially after eating salts and spices and raising the blood pressure. The left side of the neck cramps stil come and go. The left arm has been hurting more than usual in recent weeks, but I am hoping it will subside with exercise and rest, in proper balance, as it often does. Still no Dermatolgist.

I think I covered everything. The Primary and Nephrologist in the past two days were very happy with me. The body was 185 on the Primary's scale and 187 on the Nephro's scale. The BP was 109/74 at the Primary. The LPN at the Nephro has no clue how to take blood pressure and faked the numbers. The cuff was not on roperly and she bend the tubes under each other to be able to see the dial which was in my armpit. I took my own pulse and blood pressure after she left and she was wrong. She claimed 130/70, I got 112/74. I'll go with the Primary's results. Malpractice with a patient on a blood pressure medication, but I tolerate her because the Nephro is good and very flexible, giving me my prescriptions when I didn't have a Primary, so he's my back up Primary. He also has a iron therapy Nurse in case I ever decide to go there. I just wish he would get a clue about his incompetent LPN. She forgot to ask for a urine sample. Nephrology, look it up if you don't get it. Maybe I'll get back in the 170s this year. Onward, aye?

Oh, did I mention I've been sleeping on my back more than ever? Significant, even if you don't know why.

Narf :)

Ouch

Maybe I really was struggling (referring to the title of the previous post, without reading it, though). No elliptical in months. too many calories and carbs and fats. The body is bloated and achy, especially after a week of softball. The pitching arm hurts more than it ever has, partly because of the lack of exercise, but also because of the excessive pitches I throw with the Sunday team because they have no defense and want a lot of batting practice. Must let the arm heal. The past three days, after a major pig-out couple or few months and especially high calorie road trip to the world series (softball), I cut calories to under 500 a day and all low calorie low fat low carb protein drinks. Not the healthiest way to drop weight, but it's the way I am choosing this week because I think and hope it is better than fasting, especially since muscles need healing. The digestive front (and back) has been stable and painless and bloodless, so there's the good news.

Falling out of touch with me is worse than feeling alone out here in cyberspace, so I hope to be back again soon and a lot more often. Feel free to care, it might feel good even. Walk on through the wind, ya know?

Stay strong and narf!

Almost Struggling

I should have gone to bed and fallen asleep. I've been ready to sleep every day this week in the afternoon, sometimes earlier. I've been feeding the body caffeine. I am thinking in short bursts now, because the mind is tired and the body is way more tires and the sugar level is low because the challenge I am taking on is calorie reduction again after a few weeks of weight gain due to enjoying the high carb high fat foods I so dearly love. The food blog is due fr many updates, but for now, you'll just have to take my word for it.

Or not, as if anyone reads me anymore (surprise me, I'd love it, but I am so comfortable alone I might as well be comfortably numb and laughing at everything and loving every minute of it as long as I don't look outside my mind cuz the world is a sick place these days and people are the disease, but that's another struggle I am almost struggling with and if you don't see the laughter in my word play then you really don't know me, but that's ok, you don't have to, there's no law or anything).

What kind of body blog is this, anyway?

Commit to the change, now.

Phew.

Not Your Fault

I ean, I was keeping in touch and could say nobody cared so I stopped coming here (or anywhere) because, like, what's the point?... but it's not you. Leave it at that before I change my mind lol?). So I told myself I would go liquid tonight after letting the weight rise back to 190 (191 at the doctor's office fully clothed) and pigging out yet another weekend, but the two boxes of cookies and chips sitting next to me and the leftover pasta and cheese spreads in the fridge, well, maybe tomorrow. I really must go low-calorie liquid very soon.

After many weeks of no blood, no pain, no itching, etcetera, the tear is back. It took three or four actual real poops this time, alas, and I let it happen, naturally, but it's not nearly even close to as painful as it's been in the past (the menthol anesthetic effect or the healing? Maybe both). Anyway, this is what brings me back here I guess, for where else should I chastise myself about eating habits and lack of daily exercise and weight gain and all the other self-destructive suicidal physical madness I do?

It's your fault. I mean,just because nobody cares, or so it seems (and feels) in day to day life, why should that influence how much I care about my life choices? Really now, how important do you think you are?

Laughter heals. Hope it's good for you too. If not, may you find your own way.

Early morning explosion of words, almost, look around, aye?

and narf :)

Remedies

Ok, so this time I am not ignoring the issue in the tissue so I don't explode on the commode. I see why Elvis and some others die there. I kept the body on a liquid diet Thursday through today. Dropped weight, cleased intestines, healing asshole. I believe I finally have a dietary and medical regemin that will work (as opposed to the years of doctors not having a solution). Yay for being less self-destructive. Bits of the regime are in other daily blogs, but essentially I am giving my digestive tract very little to do so it excretes very little and therein allows the hemorrhoids to heal.

I also sat less this weekend, though more than I intended because I had ratings to do outdoors at the softball field and I wanted to get some typing in. Laying dowm for too long has it's issues too. The kidneys are not happy and I just maintain some balance for them. The right one especially. Sleeping on my right side leaves me not feeling good with kidney-back pains for a couple of hours the next day, but sleeping on my left side only is not comfortable.

The food monster is sad and lonely and missing food, especially chocolate, pizza, cheese, and a few other things, but I went way overboard. Proportions (in portions) and moderation (in calories), that is what I must do.

It helped that I resolved some environmental frustrations in the living space.

Solutions, find them and do them.

Continue returning to health.

Alone, alas, as usual.

Still, do it.

Narf. :)

My Asshole is Calling Me an Asshole

The daily blog might gross the weak out tonight, so be warned, beware, and be prepared. I actually tore myself a new asshole today. I stayed home from work until mid-afternoon because it took all morning to pass the poop. No poop for two days, I should ave known. I set myself up for serious pain. Even with four or five suppositories and finger manipulation there was lots of blood. I hope I am not in for weeks (months?) of serious pain and all that comes with the bleeding and swelling and skin issues. The medication regime I finally figured out (partially by accident and without any professional medical help at all, thanks docs) has been working great for months, but I tore up all the healing I did this morning. Kinda numb now, and no appetite. I reaffirm that I will not be eating tonight and I will have only liquids for at least a few days, maybe until I have a painless poop, which might be weeks. Be optimistic.

I need a standing desk.

Stop laughing, it's only funny if you love me. Feel free to laugh with me if you do. Wouldn't mind you letting me know, I mean, the worst may be over for now and I sure could use a hug and some love. I bought $40 worth of digestive system medications. Crossed the line and bought lidocaine. I will mix a dab into the calmoseptine and see what happens. I refilled the stock of laxatives and hemerrhoid suppositories. I haven't used one of those much in the past couple of months since figuring out the laxative/creme/ointment treatment. They (the rhoids) expanded considerably in the last few weeks due to diet, lack of exercise, and sitting way too much (so why am I sitting now?), though the calmo and massage has helped reduce them. Until today. The food monster took over and the body pain the price.

This entry is, I hope, the start of taking body health more seriously again.

In case it matters.

Still Floundering, Without the Flounder

There's flounder in the freezer, but I've been eating pizza and White Castles and lasagna and all sorts of other high calorie foods late at night. Days are protein drinks, but I've been caving in at night and on weekends. Stopping tomorrow would be a wise thing to do. March must be a low low calorie month, no other sensible move. Maybe writing this will help. Hey, I'm still wearing the 34 waist pants and I'm comfortable in large T-shirts without stretching them out. Probably around 190 pounds. Ish. Drop ten pounds in March, at least. Fifteen? Twenty? Ok, ok, fifteen if I can, but at least ten. Under 180 again. We can do this! Stop the self-destructive eating and get back to the gym (or buy the damned elliptical already).

Please?

Not Really Here

Obviously, I stopped begging myself to stop bloating and I stopped getting on the scales and I stopped going to the gym and I stopped being smart and healthy, but I am still wearing the 34 inch waist pants and still need a belt to keep them up, so it can't be too bad. Maybe. I am just noting the current not-here status of the body, m'ok? Maybe cuz the rhoids and itching kicked up again this weekend. Get it together kid, you don't want to die, right?

Yeah, but pizza, bacon, chocolate mousse, and ice cream... so good.

Bloat and Slight Gains

Maintaining the 34 inch waist, though the diet bring more gas and bloat. Laxatives and Whey Protein shakes will do that. Also the fat-free dairy products. Exercise helps push the gas through, but no gym this week doesn't help reduce the bloat. Being stinky might not be so appealing to the new roommate, but I sense it won't be an issue as it's a big house and he appears to be a very easy going guy who very much needs the income and wants someone safe around the kids. Some softball tomorrow, a charity tournament, so some exercise if it doesn't rain.

Still, I must get to the gym more.

Duly noted.

So Much Gas

The combination of laxative pills (two kinds, I'll be more specific another time), magnesium citrate, mineral oil, vitamins, the diuretic, perhaps the lisinopril, and the carbs certainly produces a who lot of gas. I wonder if it will be an issue for the new roommate or his kids. I'm supposed to get half the house, but with their bedrooms less than two feet from my bathroom and my bedroom less than two feet from the from door, well, we shall see. I learned that cutting back on the laxative regime will lead to a recurrence of bleeding, especially if I eat solid foods. Anyway, it was a pig-out weekend with a gourmet dinner in the middle of it and seriously sugar-filled carb desserts right up to the writing of this entry, so I will hopefully return to the weight reduction choices for the rest of the week and get to the gym at least a couple of times. Sleep would be wise too.

I must move my boxes from storage and pack up and move my stuff from here into the new place over the next two weeks. Exercise is good. Sleep is necessary. Talk me into it, aye?

G'nite, sweet princess, wherever you are.

Sleepless Stress

In spite of very poor and very limited sleep this week that lead to emo eating and poor-me blues and then, the bleeding started. Hard poop. The next day, chocolate, cookies, carbs, foolish. More bleeding. Not as much pain, yet. Then, tonight, the gym. The elliptical. 60 minutes, 7.17 miles, 128 pulse with the pulsometer. I don't think the elliptical pulse readings were accurate yesterday. Or the pulsometer isn't. I lean toward the pulseometer. The outer quads ached afterward. Protein helped. Orally I upped the laxatives, stimulants, Magnesium Citrate, and I added Mineral Oil. Topically I loaded up with the two meds that worked before. Gonna have to poop again, the cycle of pain, I wonder how bad it will get this time. And how long it will last. Hopefully this...

I fell asleep after "this, whatever it was.