whatever again

yeah, just mulling along rising and falling, but hey, dropping to 202 pounds this week... still fluctuating way too much to take it seriously... no motivation alone... if you see the one out there, tell her now would be a very good time to find me :}

alone, alas, alright

fatigue on the surface blows away with a good night of sleep, but the deep fatigue requires a few days, at least, of endless sleep and to truly rebuild the body at the cellular level and be reborn, it can take weeks of rest, real rest, which does not include any waking with an alarm clock or pushing the body or mind... i don't have time for that... and alone, alas, i take refuse in the hormonal comforts and escapes and releases that come from the chemicals in foods... i know what works for this body, but i over do it and keep an extra thirty pounds on the torso that produces even more fatigue, but on another level, slows everything down (which is exactly what i need)... so i will be alright, because instinctively i know what to do in these ridiculously workaholic times... a vacation would be sweet, a change of life would be best, but for now, the survival skills survive...

enough?

yeah, just keep swimming, but maybe i should have paused and thought about not eating the the second can of pineapple... burp.

just keep swimming

yeah, that's the ticket... just keep moving, that's the best i can do these days... the past week pushed the body to sleep deprivation because work had so much to be done and three nights were busy (two softball and one dinner) and so there was no gym time and no self-focus time and minimal writing time (which is a sign of over-business, if you know me) and so, the weight loss deal probably didn't make much progress but just keep swimming, just keep swimming, ya know...

and who's noticing, anyway? :}

ups and downs

the severity of change that would usually happen when i make a commitment to change habits and drop some serious weight has not happened, but some change is happening in spite of an extremely busy schedule that does not allow time for recovery/rest or other basic chores like routine laundry and house cleaning and so on... the lack of daily interaction with the only person with a healthy influence does not help at all as the hedonistic influences and habits are a powerful force, but we'll see if she cares enough to keep in touch enough to influence...

of course i know it is up to me to make changes in me for myself, but with no one to share the lifestyle, i don't feel like being even more isolated from people than i already am because of my different perspectives... the daily sharing is still with people who head to wing houses after games, for instance... and i just might would rather live fewer years with companionship than more years alone... deeper understanding into the current habits?...

yup... ups and downs...