promises, promises

did i promise?... did i challenge myself to a goal in front of a friend?... that does make it more binding, after all... yes, tonight i told someone who actually seems to care about me (this is the body talking) that i would drop weight to under 200 pounds by may 1... of course if i took it seriously, i'd probably go for 190 by may 1... just cuz i'm crazy like that and i do not like to restrict my hedonism for too long... the key to all this will be maintaining smaller portions and more balance and less binging on three pound bags of m&ms and decadent cakes with ten ounces of hot fudge and... hello?... oh, was i telling?... ok, so maybe tonight is the first night of a new adjustment to the lifestyle and a return of the physical sensuality beyond the taste buds and rush from foods... of course the real change will be the return of the abs and i didn't exzactly promise that, so there's still that huge seriousness to stop ignoring and brushing off with silly asides and goofy sarcasm and ridiculous rationalizations and insane excuses and delightful self-mockery... oh, blatant honesty is so much fun...

but seriously, i so appreciate the friend :)

hedonism is fun

the pattern continues, i mean, the pattern of careless fun with some measure of disregard for the body just continues and i am enjoying the heck out of it on so many levels... busy with work so much that i skip lunch just to get the work done and get out at a reasonable hour... busy with fun and games after work, softball, game nights, dinners and movies and such, so there is no time to even think about anything deeper than the fun of the moment, no less feel anything other than the fun of the moment, and assorted sundries... so the bloat remains, rising and falling with whim and weather... and the body ages faster than it has to, even though it is still at a rate slower than the average human norm... and does anybody care?... maybe, but not close enough to have any real influence... let's face it, hedonism is fun...

sigh :}

forgetting again

it's like i have selective alsheimer's or something, or perhaps it's just selective amnesia, but i am back to accepting laziness and bloating on food and too much sugar and fats and carbs and so on and so forth and being all buddha belly... it's like i am deliberately indulging my taste buds and other sensory stimulus because nobody else is around to share or care... in fact, that is what i am doing, cuz the physical experience is so much fun... but does that keep me from attracting someone who is attractive to me?... seems so, but then, what do i know...

duh...