the old 6.0

yeah, if i am to give into medical science, for all the debating and pondering and wondering and avoiding why eating brings sleepiness, but but all signs point to this, pre-diabetes more than other stuff... alas, the old 6.0 has been chasing me for the last ten years or so...

so maybe i ought to pick up some apple cider vinegar and some chromium again, and increase oatmeal, cinnamon, broccoli, spinach, and green beans (all of which i do eat, just not as often lately due to rushing through meals... and laziness)... cactus? (prickly pear)... and well-cooked soft pasta is an enemy, alas, but i prefer mush to al dente... then again, supplements can be so sketchy in quality... so much research, so much to speculate on... maybe even a sleep study... of course we could study forever and miss out on living (remember that)...

lose the weight, exercise more, balance the diet, add more of the foods above, maybe some supplements, and review the doctor's findings and recommendations... that's the attitude i am taking into the doctor'a office in the morning... oh yeah, i left out get more regular and enough sleep...

and the changes (whew)

the good news, no binging, right choices, and 203 pounds this morning... so ok, so the challenge is finding the right food in the house when i am hungry and before any emotional hunger or taste buds get involved.... if the right food isn't easily found, i forage through the fridge and cabinets and all sorts of less than ideal healthy choice might be found as i do keep a reasonable supply of canned foods and packaged foods (lots of pasta) for emergencies... after checking the kitchen a few times i was not happy and feeling a lot of fatigue in mind and body and the will power was waning, but it pulled me out of the kitchen each time without making bad choices...

finally, i found a can of chicken hiding in the back of the pantry and made chicken salad with fat free mayo and added chopped clams for flavor and some onion salt, garlic salt, garlic, and a pinch of a smoked seasoning) and it was yummy... ate it with peas... i was concerned because i've been eating tuna and salmon all week and too much fish, especially canned fish, is definitely not a healthy diet do i was looking to balance the protein and was happy to find the chicken when i searched the cupboards for the third time... and the pasta was starting to call out...

i know canned meats and veggies is not the way to eat healthy, but it is working to drop weight and i will increase the fresh foods (and try to make time for cooking) as the changes continue... the primary focus right now is reducing daily calorie intake, reducing fat, carbs, salts, and sugars... that could be done a lot better without the canned food, but at least it is getting done pretty well... max loss is over seventeen pounds as of this morning, 22nd day, which is definitely results... scary good, even...

the next change to eating habits is necessary (and should have happened with this meal) which is eating less... i ate a lot less than what would be a typical meal for me before this month (up until the 7th), but i definitely felt the bloat start early on and continued eating anyway partly out of habit but more because i know i needed the calories and protein cuz it's been more than 24 hours since i last ate and even though i was not feeling hungry, the body needs food (don't need it to go into starvation mode and start storing fat instead of burning it) and there was a total of 500 calories in the meal so i pushed extra in but next time, half the amount, stop when the bloat begins (yes, my mantra must be stop at first bloat from this point on, definitely) and save the rest for a next meal...

and i must change that mindset, wherever it comes from (the taste buds have heavy influence, the emo food addition too, and the old starving children in china {or africa or wherever) ploy adults drilling into kids probably plays a role even though i am a natural rebel and non-conformist cuz i care beyond control deep down, and other influences, certainly, for later analysis), that i must finish everything on my plate...

smaller plates, save for next time, and focus on the belly and bloat reflex much much more than the taste buds, that's what i've gotta do better... but at least i am eating a whole lot less fat and carbs and less salt and overall, way over on the healthier extreme... balance will come when the excess weight is gone... and after real exercise starts...

continue...

summing up so far

today is the 19th day since i impulsively and largely subconsciously decided it was time to stop indulging the food junkie and drop weight i've slowly been piling on for more than a year... no coincidence i had reached my max weight of 220 (every time i get there, the discomfort overwhelmes anything else like the food junkie or the emotional eater or any other aspect of my personality and i either stagnate there or bounce off a wall and drop weight... i seemed to have done both this time)... i will guage what the peak weight was after my doctor visits (oh how i love modern medicine, aye?) but it was over 220 on the crap house scale... 220.8, actually... that crap scale read 205.4 today... the actual weight is likely higher, but i will compare before and after the appointments to try to give the home scale a better value... anyway, weight is not just a number, it is distribution of body fat and how the body feels and the body feels better, though the distribution remains the biggers challenge as arms and legs ache because there is minimal fat on them to lose and the body fat lingers under the skin... the skin remains firm due to years of exercise and toning... the exercise started with 10 pound dumbbell curls and presses two days ago and the shoulders are sore and tight, but the aerobic and fat burning exercise has not started yet primarily due to high blood pressure (peaking at 215/110, which is why i am finally getting back to a doctor and will seriously consider medication)...

so there are the numbers and the facts and how i feel about the factors involves... day by day, i have the body on the road to improvement... if i survive, life will be good... if i don't i hope life will still be good, just without me in it... and if something comes next, may that be good too...

body thoughts consider the reality of no more body too, ya know? :)

remember exercise?

yeah, well, the stubborn fool who finally crossed the bridge to understand caring is a verb and actualization makes things real and diet alone will not bring the body back to optimal shape (whatever that is at this life stage, whatever that is), exercise, not overdone, is needed to burn the calories, increase muscle mass, and raise the metabolic rate so the taste buds can enjoy more calories without gaining weight... so the arms are a bit on the numb side because i just suddenly picked up ten pound weights and did two hundred curls and one hundred presses and after none of that sort of thing for many (as in many) months, the muscles are quite loaded with lactic acid at the moment and all i can say is let the rebuilding begin... there was a time i would do this with a hundred pounds, when a hundred push ups and a thousands sit ups were routine... whether i get back there again or not, i definitely need to increase the muscle mass and so on, so, hopefully this was the first of many nights of exercise and the routine will expand to other exercise and whatever happened to running 5ks, anyway?... meanwhile, if did get stricter about diet again, though not like the first week... will power is a fickle friend, coming and going like the wind... and philosophy...

yeah, i'll talk to the doctor and take it reasonably sensible slow... maybe it's time for another full stress test, echo cardiogram, and other such tests... pity i am going to spend this year's medical savings on band aids and ace bandages and the like as it's too late to schedule anything this year... but tomorrow is another year (well, almost), and i seem pretty dedicated to the change again... the body cheers... it would applaud, but the arms are kind of numb...

kidneys

this body carries a at least few pounds of water in my kidney sacs (water cysts or something like that inside my kidneys according to the urologist and nephrologist i went to almost a decade ago)... so a body abnormality or maybe i am part camel or perhaps it is an evolutionary advantage as the doctors of the past found no harm in them) that i'll likely have the doctors check out next year... i do retain water well, easily drinking a quart in an hour at anytime... i typically drink a gallon a day... and when i used to run, i could drop 10-15 pounds of water without any concern or cramping...

the kidneys also produce stones, both oxylate and uric acid stones, which is unique as typically kidneys produce one or the other and some doctors simply do not believe me... those doctors don't get to see proof as i don't return... it's been a couple of years since i passed any sort of noticeable stone, and at least a year since i passed any uric acid sediment (granular)... that is likely because i have not stressed the body by dropping weight... the stones and sediment always come when i drop weight... and the occasional kidney infections and/or urinary tract infections along with them... hopefully they won't return this time...

anyway, that's the brief history of the kidneys... for body thoughts, you know...

bodies change

bodies change over time and the teenage body that was 147 pounds once upon a time is probably not where i need to be or even twenty years ago when the body was 160... as a teen i was a long distance runner and biker burning off every calorie i took in... twenty years ago i moved and took a few years off from work and did nothing but relax, party, and exercise... the runner took over... but seriously, "For your height, a normal weight range would be from 129 to 174 pounds." is what the books say... I was below 1% body fat as a teenager at 147 and modern medical science suggests 129 pounds for 5'10"?... no wonder anorexia and other eating disorders are so prevalent in our culture... too much bad science, not enough common sense... so i will shoot for the 180s for now and see how i feel... and then, we shall see if the 170s are right for me at this stage of life... slowly, surely, and with some input from doctors... cuz bodies change and our expectations and challenges and limits must change with them...

meeting the challenge

that does mean overcoming the challenge... meeting the challenge can be quite challenging as the pull to give into what is behind the challenge is what makes the challenge so challenging and that is what one meets when meeting the challenge... so i ate meatballs and spaghetti for two consecutive days, with a butter-like spread, and the bloat is back (though the same amount of food i would have eaten in one day was spread over two, which is a clear sign of stomach shrinkage which is good)... ultimately i gained back some pounds, but have not destroyed the past two weeks of mostly strictness too much... overall, ten pounds down from the max and hopefully the next two weeks, another ten... or five, at least five... especially if i exercise... yeah, the body is babbling, what can i say... emotional hunger for comfort food won this weekend for a lot of reasons... as much as possible, i now dedicate myself to getting back on the strict track for the rest of this week... yeah, this week... in spite of the season of pigging out and the lobster at the chinese buffet calling my name, i will be the rebel at the table...

there's always hope, right?...

i hope :}

dietary choices (irreverently)

it's all about choices, everything, actually, choice and perspective make everything what it is, but specifically the reference i am aiming at in this moment is dietary choice... so tonight i ate a salad with salmon and ceasar dressing and some parm and herbs pita chips which is not sheer strictness but as it is the weekend, these choices made for a fair compromise... a chocolate coffee drink added compromise and the belly is full on a whole lot less than usual, indicating a shrinkage over the last two weeks... the good kind of shrinkage, the belly, in case your mind went somewhere else... since i am more than halfway there, i just might shoot for a 20 pound drop by the new year which would be a 20 pound drop in just over three weeks, 24 days, to be precise... hope i survive (smiling that carefree casual irreverence slightly crazy-looking smile some of you may recall)... ah, life is a short strange trip and may seem long, but it's so long really, ya know?...

and the body once again takes a deep breath and hangs on to the ride i give it... it is more fun that dying without excitement, challenge, and all the physical changes and stimulations, after all...

almost two weeks

so far so good for the second full week (almost) since the subconscious commitment to a change in health status and the results so far are a maximum loss 14 pounds and stable at 12 pounds for the last 24 hours... 12 pounds in just under 2 weeks is a pretty darn good considering that involved absolutely no exercise except the movement of working a mostly desk job (thought working 50-60 hours a week at it and being out of the house 14-15 hours a day monday through friday helped)... still, quite a feat for a mostly lazy bum lifestyle... and last night was a pig out at the all-you-can-eat chinese buffet and the night before was a semi-pig out on a yogurt and a can of tuna fish and a pack of stuffed grape leaves, so it's not at all a starvation diet, though it has included a few fasting days so far... anyway, that's what's happened to the body in the past two weeks... other than the wild sex orgies and orgasmic walks through dreamland, of course...

surely you are inspired to take better care of your body now, right? :)

another week

skipping the party food was a good thing, but this is the start again right now moment (not quite as all fired magically delicious as last week, but the craving for something other than the strict lean fish and veggies diet of the past week may have passed and hopefully another five pounds will drop off next week (max weight change was 10.1 pounds, but that sort of fluctuation is expected as a gallon of water weights 8 pounds and i drink at least a half gallon a day even in stay home sedentary days and more than a gallon a day on active days and two gallons a day, at least, during tournaments, so a ten pound weight change can easily happen after a five or ten kilometer run (in fact i once dropped 15 pounds after a marathon)... I should start weighing at the same time of day each day, but this newly renewed will power to actualize a dietary change is still not actually planned or organized... it's still just a choice each time i put something in my mouth and only today and tonight the choice was not lean fish or chicken and veggies... today was soup, not a lot of calories but a lot of sodium... and tonight was smoked salmon spread with cream cheese and crackers which is the first higher fat and carb meal all week... start again...

anyway, i would love to drop 5 pounds a week but more likely it will be about 3 pounds a week if i stay vigilant... hopefully exercise and health will be added to that focus this week...

what are you doing with and to your body these days?...

struggle

yes, the first few days of the change, cutting out the sugars and fats and caffeine (perhaps i should hold off on caffeine as it can be an appetite suppressant as well as a headache reducers which is very much needed when shifting from a sugar cycle to a fat burning cycle... so i slept and woke and worked and took tylenol and repeated the process and it is getting better now, the body is adjusting... it was a very challenging week so far, but the good news is the challenge is the pain and discomfort of adjusting to the internal changes abd not the emotional hunger or changing eating habits... is this the change this body needs to survive longer?... only observation over time time will answer that question...

but at least the news is good so far...

something happening here

what it is ain't exactly clear, either... but i skipped dinner tonight and i feel like i may have hot a wall... there is no particular reason, though subconsciously the history of this date, this week and next, may be a strong influence deep down (quite likely if i ponder or dig, but i'm doing nothing of the sort because i will just let it happen and not risk disturbing the change that may actually be happening)... yeah, so we shall see tomorrow...

something happening...